


In Cicatrices Amor

by Annide



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28252218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annide/pseuds/Annide
Summary: From the moment you are born, your existence is linked to your soulmate’s. Every time you get a cut, a scrape, a bruise, it appears on their body, fading away after a few minutes. Scars are shared forever, a lasting mark linking two people together.Buck and Eddie are soulmates, but are they ready for what it means?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 169
Kudos: 542





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: the first three chapters contain references to a suicide attempt.

_From the moment you were born, your existence was linked to your soulmate’s. Every time you got a cut, a scrape, a bruise, it appeared on their body, fading away after a few minutes. Scars were shared forever, a lasting mark linking two people together. Every new injury was accompanied by a pinch of pain when it appeared, varying in time and intensity. The more serious the injury, the more enduring the pain on the soulmate._

It was late in the morning, the sun was getting high up in the sky and Buck was taking his morning jog on the beach. This place felt close to paradise. He couldn’t think of anything better than to spend his summer bartending in a resort, with the perfect weather every day, the parties every night and the late morning with no one to judge him for them.

Being away from his family for a few months was the best idea he’d had in a long time. He loved them, of course, but he’d gotten tired of the constant questions from his parents, and the constant pressure for him to try finding his soulmate. It was like they had transferred all of their disappointment and disapproval of Maddie’s marriage into getting him to not make the same mistake she did. As if marrying someone other than your soulmate was so awful. Buck didn’t like Doug either, but he still thought cutting ties with her was an exaggeration.

Wherever he went, Buck could hear the music coming from whichever resort he was passing, like the soundtrack of his summer, a constant presence that had come to feel comforting to him. It was with the sound of Latin music in the background that Buck collapsed to the ground. He’d gotten used to his soulmate getting injured in various ways, but this was worse. Whoever they were, this was bad. Bad enough for him to be unable to stand under the pain. Buck had to take a few minutes to let that burning sensation in his shoulder, his wrist, his leg to fade away.

“Woah, what does your soulmate do?” Buck’s co-worker asked that night when he showed her the round scars on his shoulder and wrist.

“I don’t know, Bea, but I’m not crazy, right? That does look like a gunshot wound, right?”

He shook the drink he was making, poured it in a glass and handed it to the customer. He grabbed the tip and slipped it in their tip jar for them to split later. Then he started on the next drink.

“What kind of person gets shot three times like that? And no kill shot? Did they avoid them? Are they trained for it, or used to it?” She stopped, setting both her hands down on the side of the bar and staring straight into his eyes. “What if your soulmate is a spy?”

“With my luck they’re probably a criminal or something.”

“Oh, come on, Buck, you’re ruining all the fun. Maybe they’re in the army. See, that’s more realistic.”

“Sweet, an army person, who could die any minute, lucky me.” He said, louder to cover the sound of the mixer Beatriz was using.

“An army person who’s loyal, in shape and sexy as hell.” She corrected him as she passed him in their small booth to hand over that piña colada.

“Alright, so now that we’ve figured out my soulmate, what about yours?”

“I don’t know anything about mine. Not everyone can be soulmates with someone who gets hurt all the time, you know? Most people aren’t like that. I saw a few scrapes and bruises when I was a kid, but not much now, a paper cut here and there maybe.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Well, it’s not like I injure myself a lot either. Unlike you. You think your soulmate knows all these cuts on your hands are from cutting lemons?”

“They got shot thrice in one day, they’re probably too busy to notice.”

“They’d probably think you’re cute anyway. For your sake, I hope they can cook.”

“Hey! I could cook, I just need to learn.”

“Well, if anything, we can make kickass drinks.”

“That we can.”

They laughed, and danced to the loud music surrounding them. This was truly paradise. They never stopped working all night, people constantly coming for more drinks, but they had a lot of fun. Buck was happy. He had a great co-worker he got along really well with, a job he actually enjoyed and no one to pressure him to do anything. He still didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, just that he wanted to help people in some way, but he was looking forward to figuring it out. For now, he was satisfied with spending the summer here, without a worry in the world.

There was still, however, somewhere at the back of his mind, a thought for his soulmate, whoever they were, and hope that they were alright. Hope that their day wasn’t too bad and that things would improve soon. He wished he could be there for them, but it seemed it wasn’t time for them to find each other yet.

~ ~ ~

There was a lot of downtime in Afghanistan for Eddie and the members of his team to get to hang out, talk and get to know each other. Their conversations were filled with stories and speculations about their soulmates for those who hadn’t found them yet, and of how they found theirs and got together from those who had. They all missed their people back home and talking about all this made them feel closer to their heart.

Everyone was surprised to hear about Eddie’s marriage to a woman who wasn’t his soulmate. Of course, they knew it was a thing a lot of people did, but most of them had never met someone who’d done it so young. When there was still plenty of time to find who he was meant to be with.

“Look, guys, we were young and in love. And we didn’t know yet. We didn’t have any scars to compare, as far as we were concerned, it was possible.”

“You could’ve tested it.” Greggs said.

“And then what? Forget that we love each other deeply? Try to move on? No, I love Shannon and our son, and I wouldn’t give that up for anything.”

“When did you know?” Mills asked. “That you weren’t soulmates?”

“During my first tour. I got leave to go see my son get born, and she had none of the scars I got during my time here. That’s when we knew.”

That wasn’t entirely true. While it was in fact when Shannon learned it, and when they both acknowledged it and what it meant together, it wasn’t when Eddie figured it out. He had known for over a year before then, on their wedding day. He just hadn’t said anything, because he didn’t think it changed things. And what was he supposed to do? Leave her at the altar? No. It didn’t matter anyway, the scars that showed up on both of his wrists were pretty clear to him. His soulmate committed suicide.

He’d sat in that room at the back of the church, staring down at the lines and feeling his heart break for someone he’d never even met. Then he’d sworn to himself to never tell Shannon about it. He loved her and that was enough for him. The emotions of that night were enough for her not to notice those scars, and then they faded enough that they weren’t too noticeable. Just a constant reminder to Eddie that his soulmate had died and if he couldn’t make it work with Shannon, he’d be truly alone.

Every day, Eddie watched the others notice various scars on themselves. A paper cut here, a bruise from a stubbed toe there. Stuff that they wouldn’t have noticed if it hadn’t been for the short sting of pain that accompanied them. Small things you could easily miss if you were too distracted, but they all expected them and, even though it meant their soulmate had gotten a little hurt, they hoped for them, like a sign of life, a sign they were still connected.

If there was one thing that comforted Eddie about his soulmate’s demise, it was the fact that, unlike this man lying on the floor of the helicopter, he never had to worry about all of his war injuries showing up on the person he loved. Which was particularly great news when they got attacked later. Three gunshots. Shannon didn’t need to know about that before he was out of danger. She didn’t need anything else to worry about.

He was in the hospital for weeks. He was barely back on his feet when they flew him back home and made him go to that silver star ceremony. And then he didn’t even have time to catch his breath before Shannon went away to take care of her mom, leaving him a single father. He understood though. She couldn’t wait for him forever, her mom didn’t have that kind of time.

From this moment on, his son, Christopher, became his first priority. He put all his energy into taking care of him, into providing him everything he needed.

~ ~ ~

By the end of the summer, Buck felt inspired by his soulmate. He and Beatriz had discussed them and their scars at length. They’d decided they had to be some kind of hero, who’d sacrificed a lot. No new scars appeared after those gunshot ones. They had to be in recovery or something. Buck decided he wanted to do that too, put others before himself, so he tried to get into the Navy Seals. As he started training there, his soulmate started getting scars again. But these were different. Cuts and burns on their hands. Cooking scars. Were they an even worse cook than Buck?

He tried hard to make this work, but it turned out not to be for him. Every day he felt as though they were trying to make him some kind of a machine, someone who followed orders, no questions asked, with no thoughts of his own. Buck was a person. A real person, with thoughts, feelings and opinions. He couldn’t make himself become a cold, emotionless robot. Part of him felt a little like a failure for it, but part of him also thought who he was mattered. And that wasn’t a robot.

It was well into fall now. Buck was on his usual early morning jog around the neighbourhood, appreciating all the colours in the trees and the bit of frost slowly melting that made the leaves shine in the light of the rising sun. He’d always thought this was the prettiest of the seasons. Though he wouldn’t hate leaving all that behind to live somewhere warmer, maybe by a beach or something.

He was on his way back to his parents’ house when he came across it. A side street was completely blocked by fire trucks. Buck stopped at the corner, curiosity stronger than him. There was an apartment building on fire. Firefighters were running into it, one of them leaping in from the ladder that hadn’t quite reached the window yet. He watched them work as a single unit, a team, a family.

That was what he craved. Having people who counted on him, people he could count on. A purpose in life that he shared with others. It was a physical job, where he could be really badass too, but also one that required thinking on your feet. Buck didn’t understand why he hadn’t thought of it sooner. It was perfect for him.

Firefighter Evan Buckley. Yes, that sounded good.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been over a year now since Shannon left. It had been hard and he missed her, but he had a good handle on things. He worked a few jobs to make ends meet and his parents helped him with Christopher. They’d found a good rhythm, he’d been bonding with his son and had gotten pretty good at taking care of him. He’d never liked kids much, but he loved this one.

Mostly he felt lost. He was approaching 30 years old, father of a five-year-old, and he had no idea what to do with the rest of his life. He couldn’t keep going like this forever. For one, his parents expected better, they were giving him time to sort things out, but it wouldn’t last. He knew them better than this.

It was a day off for both Eddie and Christopher. Those usually only happened once a week and it was always their favourite day. Because they got to spend it together. Eddie loved his son coming to join him in bed in the morning, waking him up with cuddles and asking for pancakes. Whenever he could, he took him out for breakfast, so they could have a real good one, better than anything he could cook himself. He was sure Christopher might become a better cook than he was before he even grew into a teenager. All he would need was someone to teach him.

Eddie stood at the counter, preparing lunch for the both of them while Christopher busied himself in the living room choosing something for them to watch. Nothing out of the ordinary. Up until then it was a completely normal day. Then it happened. Just as he was putting their plates down on the coffee table, almost dropping them.

“Daddy, what’s wrong?”

“I... I’m not sure.”

Eddie pulled up his sleeve over where he’d felt the pain. Traces of a cut were already starting to fade away.

“My soulmate got injured. Not a bad one though.”

He was slightly in shock. This whole time he’d thought they were dead. It looked like he’d been wrong. But those wrist scars had been pretty convincing, and he hadn’t noticed any other injury for years. Maybe he’d been too distracted.

“Mommy?”

“Oh no, buddy. Your mom and I aren’t soulmates. But we still love each other a whole lot. Not as much as we love you though.”

The pain came back. It looked like a superficial burn, as though the skin around where the cut had been had overheated. Maybe his soulmate had been wearing some kind of protective layer to protect them from the heat and something cut through it. They could be a firefighter, a metal worker, even a chef.

“Do you know who they are?”

“No. Maybe someday.”

They started on lunch and Eddie pressed play on the movie his son had chosen. Christopher had gone unusually silent, but he left him with his thoughts for a few minutes, giving him a chance to either work it out on his own or put his feelings into words. When he put his fork down, staring at his unfinished plate, Eddie paused the movie. Something was clearly bothering Christopher.

“Hey, buddy, what’s on your mind?” He put a hand on his shoulder, trying to show him he was there for whatever it was.

“Do you... do you think there’s a kid out there with my surgery scars on them?”

“Yes, everyone has a soulmate. You have one too.”

“Do you think they were scared?”

“Scared when?”

“When they got my scars. I was really scared last time I went to the hospital. But I had you and grandma and all those doctors explaining things to me. That kid didn’t. They just got the scars.”

“I love that you care so much about them. I’m sure their mom or dad took care of them and made sure they understood what was going on. Grandma took me in her arms and explained the whole soulmate situation to me the first time my reckless soulmate scraped their knees. I know she did the same for you. We both have to trust that your soulmate’s parents did the same.”

“Ok.” Christopher turned to look up at him. “Your soulmate is reckless?”

“Oh yeah. You couldn’t imagine the amount of times they hurt themselves growing up. Did you know when your soulmate breaks a bone, you feel some kind of a burn where it happens? It doesn’t make much of a mark, but it still hurts a bit. Your soulmate has it better than I did.”

“Really?”

“I promise.”

“We should try to find your soulmate, maybe we could keep them out of trouble.”

“Maybe.”

Eddie still remembered that burn inside his arm. He’d run back to his mom, convinced something was wrong. It was the only time, other than his wedding day when he’d thought they’d died, that he’d wished he could’ve been there for them. Though it seemed to have woken them up, because they calmed down slightly after that broken arm.

More injuries showed up throughout the following weeks. Eddie wondered if maybe he had been so focused on everything else while in Afghanistan that he’d missed some. All the current injuries were pretty minor, but it did seem like his soulmate was training for something. A lot of it was similar to what he’d gotten during his army training, but there were also different ones, like a few burns. Could they be training to become a firefighter?

That thought lingered in his mind for a while. Long enough that the injuries started becoming more and more distanced. They were improving, getting farther into their training. And then practically nothing anymore. Either they graduated or they quit. But Eddie had a feeling it was the former. By now, he was pretty sure his soulmate was the kind to persevere and carry things to the end.

~ ~ ~

Buck was really happy when he finally graduated from the fire academy. He arrived at the 118 filled with excitement. He’d found what he was meant to be doing and he was convinced that from here, all the pieces of his life would fall into place. Assembling a puzzle without a picture on it was a much harder task and, to him, it felt as though firefighting was the picture.

His co-workers quickly became family to him, his captain even teaching him how to cook. He had quite a rough start the first few months, almost lost the job because he took it for granted. Kyle and Toby thought he was awesome, but Buck didn’t feel that way after Bobby fired and rehired him. Sometimes it felt as though he and his roommates were growing apart before they ever really built a friendship.

“Hey, Buck, be honest with me.”

Chimney asked as he lied in his hospital bed. He’d only been awake for a few hours, but the doctors were already throwing the word miracle around constantly. It was incredible to everyone that the rebar had entered his head at exactly the right angle to make minimal damage, that they could get it out without killing him, that he’d woken up after losing all that blood in surgery. Buck had been really afraid to lose him. Chimney was like a brother to him and as much as he knew that people died in this line of work, he couldn’t imagine losing anyone at the 118. Especially when he’d gotten so little time with them so far.

“Always.”

“You think that’ll make a noticeable scar?”

He pointed toward the bandage on his head, concern tainting his words. The two of them hadn’t had a lot of conversations about the whole scar thing before, but Buck knew what he meant by that.

“I think you’ll be able to see right away if someone’s your soulmate from now on.”

“They’ll think I’m dead, won’t they? They’ll think I got shot in the head and died.”

“Maybe not. It’ll probably look different than a gunshot wound scar.”

“Not everyone has a friend with one to compare though, Buck.”

“Well, hopefully, you two will meet soon and they won’t have to worry too long.”

“Hopefully. And, like you said, no more meaningless dates to try to find the one, I’ll know right away.”

“They do say everything has a silver lining.”

Buck smiled, but Chimney’s words made him think about the faded scars on his wrists. His soulmate didn’t think he was dead, did they? No, they couldn’t. They might have when they first showed up, but he had to have hurt himself again soon after, to their relief.

~ ~ ~

That was what he needed to do, the right thing for him, and his son. Eddie missed the team he had in the army, the way they became like a family. But he couldn’t go back, he had to stay close to his son. So, becoming a firefighter was the right path. It was everything he wanted. People that relied on each other, the thrill of saving lives, and no need to keep working three unfulfilling jobs.

He got accepted to the fire academy in both Chicago and Los Angeles. His parents didn’t like that. They didn’t want him to move, didn’t think working 24-hour shifts would be good for his son. As if he purposefully didn’t get in to a program in Texas, close to home. As if working three jobs was any more stable.

They had a fight and Eddie walked outside, thinking he’d get some air, calm himself down, before he made another attempt at making them understand. Then he saw Christopher. He was sitting on the porch, and he’d heard them yell at each other. Poor kid. He deserved so much better.

“I miss you all the time too, kid. I’m never gonna leave you again.”

Christopher didn’t need stability the way Eddie’s parents thought he did. He didn’t need to stay here. He needed to be with his dad, he needed to feel like he wouldn’t be left behind again. And Eddie would do anything to prove to him that he wasn’t going anywhere without him ever again, that he would always be around.

“Where are we going?” Christopher asked, excited that this time they were leaving together.

“I’m not sure. We could go to Chicago or Los Angeles. What do you think?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never been anywhere before.”

“Alright, let me tell you more about them and then you decide, deal?”

“Deal.”

Eddie rubbed his son’s back, happy to have him, happy that they could make this decision together. After all, it would affect both of their lives.

“Right, so Chicago’s more North. They get snow in the winter. Everything becomes white and you can make snowmen and forts and go sliding and all of that.”

“I want to see snow!”

“Yeah, it gets really cold though. And icy so everything’s slippery. But fun and beautiful.”

“I like it.”

“We could discover all that together, because do you want to know something?”

“What?”

“I’ve never been anywhere with snow before either.”

“Really? It’d be new for you too?”

“Yeah, it’d be new for me too.”

Christopher beamed in his usual, contagious way. Eddie couldn’t help but smile whenever his son did, nothing made him happier.

“What about the other one?”

There was a reason Eddie had talked about Chicago first. He knew from the start they wouldn’t go there. He felt a pull toward Los Angeles, and he could tell with complete certainty that his son would want to go there too. As tempting as snowy winters sounded, it wouldn’t be enough.

“LA’s in California. It’s always sunny there and there’s a beach where we could go build sandcastles and swim all the time.”

“California. Where mom is?”

This was it. This was the moment it was decided. It felt as though they were always meant to follow Shannon there eventually, as if it had only been a matter of time.

“Yeah, where mom is.”

“I want to go there.”

“Then let’s go there, kid.”

It felt exhilarating. They were starting a new chapter of their lives. Things were starting to fall into place and, for the first time in a long time, Eddie was hopeful. LA was where they needed to be, it was where they could build a life of their own, it was where their future lied. Together.


	3. Chapter 3

There was something different about Abby. Buck had never felt that way about anyone before. The more they talked, the more hope he had that maybe, just maybe he might’ve found his soulmate. But when they went out to look for her mother, he took her hand and he knew. The skin on her wrist was perfect, there was no trace of his scar, however faded. She wasn’t the one.

He felt a little disappointment. He didn’t understand. He thought they clicked so naturally together, and he was already falling deeper than with anyone else. How could it not be her? He’d been so convinced that his desire to get to know her and do everything he could to not ruin it meant something. He generally preferred quick meaningless sex, too afraid to get attached to anyone who wasn’t his soulmate. Because it couldn’t possibly lead anywhere serious.

Sure, his sister married someone who wasn’t her soulmate, but Buck didn’t think it would last. There had always been something off about Doug that he couldn’t quite put a pin on, the guy just rubbed him the wrong way. And then Maddie became distant and they hadn’t really talked in a few years.

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that nervous before.”

Buck stopped fumbling with his tie and turned toward Bobby. He thought about giving up on wearing a tie altogether, but Bobby disagreed. He came closer and started arranging it for him. Buck was grateful for it, for the fatherly affection and guidance he regularly received from his captain. He needed it, even when it was harder to hear.

“Tell me what’s on your mind. I can see the wheels turning in there, Buck.”

“I’m just not sure this date is such a good idea.”

“Why not? I thought you really liked her?”

Buck looked down, letting his eyes fall on Bobby’s hands, watching silently what he was doing for a minute before he could find the courage to admit to what was holding him back. He’d never voiced those concerns out loud before.

“My parents, they don’t... They don’t think any relationship is worth anything if it’s not with your soulmate. They always disapproved of my sister and I dating past knowing someone wasn’t our soulmate.”

“And now you feel strange about it because Abby isn’t your soulmate?”

“What if they’re right? What if it can’t work with anyone else?”

Bobby finished fixing the tie. He placed it gently down and smoothed out Buck’s suit, a proud look on his face. He put his hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. Buck knew what that meant, he wanted to make sure he understood and really took in what he was about to say.

“Then it won’t work. But I think it’s good to experience different things, to open yourself to something else. It’ll help make you into the person you need to become for you and your soulmate to be ready for each other.”

“What do you mean, ready for each other?”

“Someone once told me that you could only ever meet your soulmate when it was the right time for you to. You still need to grow before you’re ready for any kind of real intimacy, Buck. And that’s what a real relationship is, that’s what you and your soulmate will have.”

Buck had always heard how if he hadn’t met his soulmate yet, it meant it wasn’t time, but he’d never thought of it in terms of who they needed to be for it to happen, for them to work.

“So you don’t think it’s wrong for me to go out with Abby even though she’s not my soulmate?”

“My wife wasn’t my soulmate, doesn’t mean I loved her any less. Doesn’t mean our relationship didn’t mean anything.”

There was still a nervousness running through him, a fear that he would ruin things somehow. But Bobby assured him that was normal, that it meant he cared about Abby. Love could be scary, but that only made it all the more worthwhile.

~ ~ ~

They had barely settled into their new home, their new city, their new life. They weren’t quite used to this house, and they hadn’t quite figured out a new routine yet, but they were getting there. Christopher liked his new school and Eddie had gone through his first week at the fire academy. He was confident that they’d made the right choice. There was still a lot to work out, like childcare, but they would get there.

Tonight was Valentine’s Day. Eddie was having a nice and cozy movie night with the person he loved most in this world: his son. Christopher himself had accused him of being cheesy when he told him that, but this was a day for a rare moment of cheesiness.

They’d cuddled on the couch with hot chocolate. Christopher had wrapped himself around Eddie under a blanket. The movie was almost over now and the boy was getting sleepy. It was around his bedtime when the credits rolled and Eddie led him to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He was watching him with a smile on his face, so proud of him for how easily he’d let his life be uprooted, how resilient to change he was. Then he felt it. Pain on his throat. He immediately put his hand up to it, a reflex to try and soothe it, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to.

“Dad! What’s happening? Is your soulmate ok?”

Christopher pointed up to it. He looked worried. Eddie walked in front of the mirror to get a look at the new scar. Was he imagining things or did that look an awful lot like a tracheotomy? He was getting really worried now that his soulmate wouldn’t survive long enough for them to meet.

“I think someone had to open their throat to help them breathe.”

“But they’ll be fine?”

“I hope so, kid, I hope so.”

“Me too.”

“Alright, time for bed.”

“But I want to know what happened!”

“You know as much as I do. Come on, you need to sleep.”

Christopher finished brushing his teeth and Eddie tucked him into bed.

“Don’t worry about this, ok? I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Really?”

“It has to be. They wouldn’t want to miss out on meeting my awesome kid.”

The widest smile spread on Christopher’s face, quickly mirrored on Eddie’s.

“Dad, you’re being cheesy again.”

“It’s your fault, you bring it out of me. I love you way too much, kid.”

“I love you too, dad.”

Eddie leaned down to give him a kiss on the forehead. He stood, walked back to the door and closed the light.

“Sweet dreams, kid.”

“You too, dad.”

There was something in Christopher’s voice when he said that. Eddie had only noticed it since they moved in here. Like some kind of concern. It worried Eddie to think that his son could’ve heard him wake up, startled and sweaty in the middle of the night after another nightmare. What did Christopher think of that? Maybe he should talk to him about it, explain what was going on. But he didn’t want to burden him with it, he was so young, still so innocent and unaware of all the real monsters of this life. The ones that crept into your mind and messed with your thoughts, messed with your feelings, messed with everything.

Eddie felt he had a handle on it, however, and there was no reason to make a whole thing out of it. Not yet at least. Maybe when Chris was older. But not now. For now, he’d rather enjoy the way his son still thought the world was filled with beauty and the hope that anyone who left could come back the same way Eddie did.

~ ~ ~

His relationship with Abby was hard, but he loved her and he thought it was completely worth it. When her mother died, he felt for her, but he also knew it would be best for the both of them. Her mom didn’t have to stay trapped with a mind that couldn’t work to its full potential, and Abby didn’t have to watch her get worse and try her best to help knowing it would only get harder. It was a painful loss, one that shook them all, but it was also the departure of so much suffering that it would take them time to adjust to it.

When she left, it felt like she took a piece of his heart with her. Somewhere deep inside him, he knew she would never come back, he knew that day at the airport that it was the end of them, the end of his most meaningful relationship. But he still hoped. He moved into her apartment, on the hope that maybe there was more to them. That maybe he hadn’t been left behind by yet another person. That he didn’t just end up alone, again.

Months passed. He tried to busy his mind with things other than the sting of losing what he thought was the best thing in his life. Without even a clear word on whether it really was the end or not. So he focused on the firefighter calendar. On training and putting in effort to look his best.

He was excited about it. It seemed like a small thing, but it felt like an accomplishment, like he was doing something instead of just sitting around and waiting for Abby to come back. He didn’t mind the expected teasing from the rest of the team when he told them about it. The playful tone in Bobby’s voice as he pretended to be offended Buck didn’t think he and Chimney had a chance against him.

“Okay. That is a beautiful man.” Chimney said, pointing behind him.

Buck turned around, half expecting him to be making a joke, but there was in fact a very good looking man standing there, putting on his shirt over a nicely built chest. His eyes were quickly drawn away from it to his gorgeous face however.

“Who the hell is that?”

Buck felt threatened by the arrival of someone new. Someone who had more experience and who seemed just as built for action as he was. It wasn’t just about the calendar. It was about all these cool, risky rescues, like the maneuver that he always got to do, and could now be given to this Eddie Diaz.

In reality, he had no idea why he was so bothered by him, why it got on his nerves how easily Eddie fit in with the team, how comfortable he seemed to feel among them. It was a good thing, wasn’t it? So why did it make him feel so irritated to see him get along with everyone already? He got into some kind of an argument with him during their workout. But after they saved a man’s life by getting a bomb out of his leg, Buck found Eddie wasn’t competition. He was a teammate. Someone he could work side by side with as they did high risk rescues.

As he started undressing to go into the shower once back at the firehouse, Buck felt ashamed of the way he’d acted earlier. Maybe Eddie was right. Maybe he was dealing with the Abby situation all wrong and taking it out on him. They’d made good out by the hospital, but he still wanted to clarify things.

Eddie entered in his turn. Buck was about to start explaining himself as soon as he saw him, but then he noticed how Eddie had frozen at the door, his eyes locked on him. He thought he spotted something in Eddie’s eyes. He didn’t know what it was, something akin to surprise, shock even. He certainly couldn’t explain it. Eddie just stood there, staring at his chest, not meeting his eyes as confusion grew on Buck’s face.

“Are you okay?” Buck took a step toward him, slightly worried. “Eddie, are you okay?”

Eddie shook his head and looked up at him. He seemed shell-shocked, like he was trying to make pieces of a puzzle fit together. Uncertainty lied in the way he stared, the way he moved slowly, the way he shook as he reached forward to take Buck’s arms in his hands. Buck looked down, catching a glimpse of the faded scars on his wrists. Was that what it was about? Did Eddie see them and got freaked out by what they obviously implied? 


	4. Chapter 4

It was so unexpected, Eddie couldn’t believe it was real. He’d walked into the shower room, ready to get washed up, only to find a shirtless Buck standing there, with the exact same scars he had on his body. He froze. It couldn’t be. Certainly, there was some other explanation. Maybe that shoulder scar wasn’t Eddie’s gunshot wound. Maybe that other one on his leg was also unrelated, and the third one on his wrist. And all the ones from his first tour too. It had to just be a crazy coincidence. He didn’t realise he’d been staring at Buck’s shoulder for too long until he spoke.

“Are you okay?” Buck, confusion drawn on his face, came closer. He seemed worried, but Eddie could only avert his eyes, afraid to meet Buck’s. “Eddie, are you okay?”

He shook his head to clear it and looked up. No. There was no way Buck was his soulmate. How could that be? They were close enough now that Eddie could even see the tracheotomy scar on his neck. The one from Valentine’s Day. He couldn’t, he couldn’t believe that, or deal with that. He slowly reached forward and grabbed Buck’s arms, turning them over so he could see the familiar lines on his wrists. Faded and barely visible, but there.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of them. He felt the rush of emotions he’d felt the first time he’d seen them come back. The clear confirmation that the woman he was about to marry wasn’t his soulmate. The sadness that filled him thinking the person who was had died. The confusion over what he was supposed to do just as he was about to walk down the aisle. Now, to see the original ones, to run his fingers over them, to feel his soulmate’s pulse so close, Eddie was completely taken aback by it.

“Oh yeah, that was a mistake.” Buck said, slightly embarrassed. “I’m good now though, I don’t want that anymore.”

His tone was casual. Too casual. Eddie’s world had just been flipped upside down and here was this man he’d just met less than twenty-four hours ago talking so casually about something that had been such a big and defining moment in both of their lives.

“Yeah, good, I... I have to go.” Eddie managed.

He turned around so fast he practically walked straight into Bobby.

“Hey, Diaz, you okay?”

He took a look behind at him, toward Buck who still stood there, probably just as confused. Understanding seemed to dawn on his face, but he didn’t say anything.

“How about we go have a talk in my office?”

Eddie felt like running away, as though he couldn’t stay here knowing what he did. He needed air and space to try to deal with this information first. But he was still on shift, his first shift, and leaving wasn’t an option. So he nodded and followed Bobby out.

“So, looks like my suspicion was right.” Bobby said once they both sat in his office, the door closed behind them. “Earlier, at the start of shift, I thought I saw the same scars on you I’ve noticed on Buck before, but I wasn’t sure. Now I am.”

Eddie was leaning forward with his arms on his knees, staring at his hands. He looked up at him, a pained expression on his face.

“I made you both ride in the ambulance together because I thought you might be soulmates and if you spent some time together you’d start getting along.”

“Please, don’t tell him. I can’t... Technically, I’m still married. This would just make things awkward and... I can’t believe now is the moment I had to meet my soulmate. This is terrible timing.”

“I won’t say anything. But you have to promise me not to let this affect work, otherwise I’d have to make you transfer and I don’t want to do that.”

“I swear, I won’t let this affect the job.” Eddie ran his hand through his face. “Guess I’ll have to be careful about what I wear around him. Certainly can’t let him see me shirtless.”

“You know, Eddie, if you wanted to tell him, I’m sure he’d understand. You must’ve noticed he’s still hung up on his ex girlfriend.”

“It’s not just that, Cap, I...”

Eddie hesitated. He knew talking about this to someone could help, but he hadn’t known Bobby very long and he felt strange about confiding in him. That wasn’t him, Eddie didn’t let his feelings show, he always just buried them and kept on going. Because he had to. This shouldn’t be any different, except Bobby had already noticed something was wrong with him and they were already here, discussing it.

“I knew Shannon wasn’t my soulmate when we got married and I did anyway, because I loved her. She may not be in my life right now, and she may have hurt me, just like I hurt her, but I still feel that way about her. I don’t know if I could ever push that aside for my soulmate. And until I do, Buck can’t know, because I don’t want to break his heart.”

Bobby gave him an understanding smile. They sat silently for a few minutes while Eddie calmed down some more and took time to process everything. He had no idea what he’d tell Buck, but fortunately, they didn’t end up alone the rest of shift. There were always other people around. It felt like a relief to Eddie, especially once he noticed the confused stares he got from Buck.

He went home, after picking up Christopher from his grandmother, feeling a lot more drained than he expected, but hearing his son tell him all about his last twenty-four hours made everything better. It always did.

~ ~ ~

Buck was still confused about Eddie’s behaviour by the time he got back home. He still wondered what all of that had been about and why Bobby didn’t want to clarify things, telling him it wasn’t his place to say anything. However, all of these doubts and questions evaporated from his mind as soon as he walked in, heard the shower and saw the women’s clothes left behind. Abby was back. Or so he thought.

When the shock of unexpectedly finding his naked sister in his shower wore off, and they were both dressed and sitting on the couch, Buck finally took a good look at Maddie. He could see the wear on her face betraying how hard the past few years had been for her. He was so happy she’d finally left Doug. He was about to ask her how long she was planning on staying, hoping it’d be a while because he’d missed her, when he noticed something on her forehead. He reached over and ran his thumb softly over the scar.

“Maddie! Oh my god, I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah, I know. A scar on the forehead, extremely visible. It hurt a lot when I got it too. Makes sense, it’s a very serious injury. Poor guy probably got a bunch of pain from me too.”

Her eyes fell on her hands. Whatever she meant, and Buck could only have his suspicions, he wished there was something he could’ve done to help earlier. But she didn’t want his help, or anyone else’s. She wasn’t ready to accept it yet. She was now though and Buck was glad she’d come to him.

“That’s just my luck, right?” She continued. “Marrying a man who was so awful to me instead of looking for my soulmate. And now it looks like I lost my chance.”

Her eyes shone with unshed tears. Buck stretched his arm to rub her back, the way she used to when he was a kid and got hurt falling off his bike, or his skateboard, or the jungle gym at the park. The time he fell off trying to walk on the sides of the monkey bars and broke his arm was the first time he realised his injuries were also hurting his soulmate. That was when Maddie held him and told him how it felt when your soulmate broke a bone. He’d felt so terrible for letting this happen. He’d calmed down slightly after that.

“What do you mean?”

It felt nice to be the one to get to comfort her and help her for once. Like he could finally do something in return for all the times she’d been there for him growing up.

“You have to see it. My soulmate got shot in the head, Buck. They can’t still be alive.”

“Shot? No. More like a got a rebar through the skull.” He pulled his shirt down by the collar and showed her the scar on his shoulder. “See, pretty sure that’s from a gunshot wound. Yours is different.”

“Why is yours the gunshot and not mine?” She shook her head and let out a sigh. “Never mind. A rebar through the skull? Clearly, you haven’t lost that big imagination of yours.”

“No, Maddie, I’m serious. I’ve got a friend with the exact same scar you have and that’s how he got it.”

“Wait. You’re telling me he got a piece of rebar through the head and survived?”

“Yeah, he’s perfectly fine too. I can’t wait for you to meet him. This is so exciting, we found your soulmate!”

“Buck...”

She didn’t sound excited at all.

“What? It’s perfect, you left Doug, I don’t know why yet, but it doesn’t matter, I work with your soulmate. It’s like fate.”

“Buck, I’m not ready. Things are complicated, and it’s too soon.”

“You don’t have to date him, you can just get to know him and become friends for now.”

“No, I can’t. Not yet. Please.”

Something in how pleading her tone was intrigued Buck. There was more to this. His sister had just left her husband and unexpectedly flown across the country to visit him. Something was going on.

“Maddie, what really happened with Doug? What did he do to you?”

She tried to look at him, but she couldn’t. Tears started streaming down her face as she stared down at her own hands. Buck pulled her into a hug, more and more hatred toward Doug filling him the longer she cried. She told him everything. How he hit her, how he cut her off from everyone including her little brother, how he threatened to kill her when she said she’d leave him. Buck wanted to hit him right back, he wanted to make him pay for hurting his sister, for hurting the person who’d always been there for him, always taken care of him. But right now, all he could do was make sure she was safe.

“So, now that we’ve gone through everything that has to do with me, what about you? This is a nice place.”

Buck wasn’t fooled by her attempt to change the subject, but he knew a distraction would do her some good. Plus, they did need to catch up after all this time.

“It’s my girlfriend’s, I’m staying here while she’s traveling.”

“Soulmate?”

“No. But she’s amazing and I love her, and I have no idea when she’ll come back, she told me not to wait for her, but when she does, we’ll be together again. I can’t prevent myself from having a love life just because my soulmate’s out there taking their time coming into my life.”

“Maybe you should. Look what happened with me and Doug, maybe mom and dad were right.”

“No, they weren’t. And Abby’s not like that.”

“Oh, of course not, but it does sound like she left you.”

“Why does everyone think that? She’s just doing the eat, pray, love thing, she’ll be back.”

“Yeah, she definitely dumped you.” Maddie said, half serious, half teasing.

“Fine, if you’re gonna be like that, what are your plans now? Will you apply at hospitals around here? Start over?”

Maddie seemed unsure, as if it was what she wanted, but there was something else, some kind of barrier holding her back from it.

“I want to start over, and helping people is still what I want to do, but I don’t think I can go back to working in the ER where anyone could walk in anytime.”

Buck hadn’t thought of that. How vulnerable she would be in the hospital, constantly looking behind her shoulder, afraid to see Doug show up there. Never feeling at ease or entirely comfortable. He felt the anger rise up again, but no matter what amount of rage he felt toward the guy, it wouldn’t help his sister. What would help her was a way to remake her life, a way to have a purpose again. And that he could do. Thanks to Abby, he knew exactly how to provide all of that for Maddie.


	5. Chapter 5

Things remained a little awkward between Eddie and Buck after that moment by the showers, but that disappeared the moment the earthquake hit. Suddenly nothing mattered except getting into that truck and running to other people’s help, and making sure their loved ones were fine. Worry built inside Eddie’s mind as he tried to reach Christopher, but couldn’t from lack of service. He knew there was nothing he could do, and chances were he was fine, but he couldn’t help it.

“Who are you trying to get a hold of?”

He wasn’t surprised Buck would notice the concern in his face, he wasn’t even surprised he’d ask about it, genuinely interested. They may not have known each other for very long, but from this little time, and what others had said, it was clear Buck had a good heart. Even so, Eddie hesitated before he answered. He was afraid of the reaction he’d get. He was nervous to see how his soulmate would take the news that he was a single father.

“My son. I’m trying to reach my son.”

Maybe he should’ve expected Buck’s enthusiasm. Soulmates were meant to be together, so why wouldn’t Buck love kids when Eddie had one? It only made sense. And then Buck tried to reassure him, he told him he was sure his son was fine. It didn’t solve anything, but it did help soothe Eddie’s worries a bit.

It was a long and exhausting day, but Eddie found that he made a great team with Buck. They worked so naturally together, they had a perfect complicity already. He was sure they’d become great friends. So when Buck offered to give him a lift home, and drive by Christopher’s school to pick him up, he didn’t even hesitate.

Nothing brought him more relief or comfort at the end of the day than to hold his son in his arms. Especially right now. The Earth had shaken everyone the same way finding his soulmate had shaken him. But however confusing things might be for him at the moment, he still had his one constant, who always somehow managed to make him smile: Christopher.

Eddie sat in the backseat with Christopher as they drove to the 9-1-1 dispatch center to pick up Buck’s sister. Already, it was clear that Buck was great with kids. It was hard to believe from all the stories Hen and Chimney had told about him, but he really was. Eddie never knew how to interact with children, he dreaded meeting his son’s friends because he never knew what to say to them. He’d gotten better over the years, but it still wasn’t nearly as easy as it appeared to be for Buck.

“So, how was your first day?” Buck asked his sister as she climbed into the jeep.

“Josh barely had time to train me before everything went down. It was crazy and I’m exhausted. But it’s all good. Thanks for suggesting this, I think I’ll like it.”

“Happy to hear. Maddie, this is Eddie, we work together, and his son, Christopher. Eddie, Christopher, that’s my big sister, Maddie.”

Maddie turned around to shake his hand and that’s when he noticed it. Chimney’s scar. There was no way Buck hadn’t seen that. It seemed unbelievable to Eddie that both Buckley siblings would find their soulmate at the same fire station and yet. Not that Eddie had any intention to say anything. Maddie’s eyes shot up his face and a sigh of relief escaped her lips.

“Oh good, you don’t have that scar.”

“Buck told you.”

“I had to, otherwise she could never meet any of you. You can’t miss it.” Buck said.

“Miss what?” Christopher asked.

“That scar on my forehead. Apparently, one of my brother’s co-worker shares the same one.” Her eyes went back to Eddie. “When I saw that Buck wasn’t alone, I was so nervous it would be him. It’s too soon for us to meet.”

“I promised you, Maddie, I’m not introducing you two until you tell me it’s okay.”

The way Buck was with his sister, the way he understood her and whatever her reason was that Eddie didn’t need to know. He was supportive of her and Eddie admired that about him. It’s also why when, not that long later, she was ready to move out of Buck’s ex girlfriend’s apartment and Buck called Eddie over on the pretext of helping her, he was surprised and confused that it was actually about introducing him to someone.

“You didn’t set me up, did you?”

There was some irony in the idea of being set up by his soulmate, but if he was going to date someone other than his wife, he’d probably go for the person he was meant to be with now that he knew who it was. It became harder not to feel anything for Buck when it turned out Carla was there about Christopher. His heart warmed knowing Buck would do that for them, that he paid enough attention to know he was struggling with figuring out child care and that he cared enough to do what he could to help.

~ ~ ~

Buck had told her he could ask Bobby to help with the move along with Eddie, but Maddie said she was fine with Chimney coming. She thought it would be a casual enough way to meet, surrounded by other people. Besides, it had become clear to her that everyone at the 118 was like family to Buck and it was only a matter of time before she met them all.

“Alright, Chim, I have to tell you something before we help my sister move tomorrow and I need you to listen because it’s important.”

They were both sitting in the lounge during some downtime in their shift. Buck wanted to warn Chimney so he was prepared for what he was walking into. Alright, maybe it had been Eddie’s idea, but it was a smart idea.

“What? Is it going to be the talk about how I can’t date your sister, because you love her and you want to protect her? Because if so maybe you should tell that to Eddie.”

“Me? Why would he say that kind of things to me?”

“Because you look like that. Have you seen yourself in a mirror lately? Or paid attention to people around you? I’m not the one who got hit on repeatedly while we rescued that girl from the exhaust pipe.”

“I’m not the one who made the hot firefighter calendar. And I’ve already met Maddie.”

“Can we be serious for a minute?” Buck could feel his exasperation oozing through his words. “Chim, I don’t want you to date her yet, because she’s not ready.”

“Yet? That might be the strangest thing you’ve ever told me.”

“Listen, my sister’s your soulmate. But I don’t want you to make a big deal of it. Please, just let things evolve naturally, don’t rush her.”

Chimney straightened up in his seat, staring straight back at him.

“Did you just say she’s my soulmate? How do you know that?”

“Chim, your rebar scar.” Eddie said.

“Oh, right. I forget about that.” He put his fingers on it momentarily, then continued. “Buck, you don’t have anything to worry about, alright? I was just talking to Bobby and it feels like I haven’t fully processed what happened yet. I need time too, I don’t think I’m ready to be with anyone right now either.”

“Good. I mean, good that there won’t be any problem or awkwardness with the whole situation, not good that you still have to deal with your trauma.” Buck fumbled with his words.

“It’s fine, Buck, I get it.”

Things went without a hitch the next day. Buck and Eddie had a little trouble figuring out how to get the couch inside, but other than that the move was a success. Maddie and Chimney got along so naturally, it was beautiful to watch. Of course, Buck had seen soulmates around each other before. Hen and Karen were almost sickeningly perfect together. But he’d never witnessed them first meeting. It felt almost magical.

While the others were in the other room, Maddie told him she thought Chimney was cute. These two might not be ready for a relationship, but Buck could already see the buds of what they could become in the complicity they shared.

~ ~ ~

He was getting attached. He’d tried not to, but he did. He couldn’t help it. The more time they spent together, the more he wanted to be around Buck. He couldn’t develop feelings for him, it would only complicate things further.

Just their last shift, they’d gone down a cliff together to rescue someone who’d fallen off of it, and Eddie found himself constantly looking at Buck. He kept feeling concerned for his safety. Why would he? Buck was a very capable firefighter, there was no need to worry. And yet, here he had been, making sure nothing happened to his precious soulmate. Which was nothing compared to how endearing he thought it was when Buck said he genuinely thought a ghost called 9-1-1.

Now, Eddie was visiting a school for Christopher. It seemed perfect. Then, they asked to interview Shannon for the application, and Eddie thought the universe or something had to be mocking him. How else would he end up needing to call his estranged wife right as he was beginning to fall for his soulmate?

She showed up and she did the interview, because of course she would. She loved their son. And she was a good person, which is why he’d fallen in love with her in the first place. Then, she got mad at him for moving to California when he’d told her before he didn’t want to leave Texas. She had a point. But he thought part of why she was mad was because he waited this long to tell her he was here. He didn’t blame her, he was just as responsible for where they’d gotten as she was.

When she told him she blamed herself for Christopher’s condition, his heart melted. He had no idea she felt that way, he felt bad for not thinking about how much pain she must’ve been in these past years. He immediately assured her none of it was her fault. And somehow, as he comforted her, they found themselves kissing.

It was as though there was something pulling them back together. Eddie knew their relationship wasn’t working. He knew what they had to do, and yet, he let the emotions take over him. It came so naturally, so easily. And it was comfortable. They knew each other well, and there was no chance of truly ruining this relationship, it was already on its way to the end.

He did stop himself for a second, overwhelmed by thoughts of Buck. Should he even be kissing Shannon when he knew who his soulmate was? When he actually liked someone else? He brushed off all of that for now. She was his wife and he loved her. There was no need to complicate things now.

But then, a few days later, Eddie was on a call with Buck, trying to get a woman off a highway sign. Eddie stood on the overpass, spotting Buck who had gone down on the sign to talk her down. She pointed a gun at him and Eddie’s heart jumped. He couldn’t stand the idea of losing him. It felt too soon for him to feel that way about him already, and incredibly confusing. He loved Shannon, he really did. But it seemed she wasn’t the only person who held a place in his heart anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

Maybe it was just him. Maybe it was all the changes that had come to his life in the past few weeks, months even. But Buck felt like things were weird. For one, Maddie and Chim were hanging out all the time and looked a lot like a couple to him, despite them both saying they weren’t ready for a relationship and denying anything was going on. And for second, there was the attitude Eddie gave him all day after he overheard him talking to Bobby about having sex with Taylor Kelly. Granted, having bar bathroom sex wasn’t exactly something he was proud of, but why would Eddie care?

A few more weeks passed and he started dating Ali. And while Eddie did tell him he was happy for him, there was something in his voice, like he wasn’t entirely fine with the situation. If Buck hadn’t known better, he’d think it was something akin to jealousy, but it couldn’t be. Eddie was married, and his wife was back in his life.

Besides, from one of those late night conversations they’d had on shift, Buck knew that if things ended up not working out with Shannon, Eddie didn’t really want to date anyone else who wasn’t his soulmate again. So Buck, being both not a woman and not Eddie’s soulmate, definitely didn’t have a shot. No matter how hot he thought his friend was. Not that it mattered because he was with Ali now and it was going great.

Some more weeks went by and Buck found himself sitting on the edge of a fountain with Eddie while they waited for Christopher to go see Santa all by himself. Eddie was rambling. It was unusual for him, but Buck thought it was adorable. He tried to contain his smile as he listened to him go on and on trying to explain himself about having sex with his own wife. Buck told him multiple times that he understood and he wasn’t doing anything wrong, they were married, but Eddie continued. It was as though Eddie felt guilty about something and thought it was important for him to clarify the situation. There was clearly something he wasn’t saying, but Buck didn’t want to press the issue. Whatever it was, Eddie would tell him when he was ready, when he needed to.

Buck was happy when Eddie told him he finally let Shannon back into Christopher’s life. The kid needed his mom. He’d told Buck he missed her a few times, as a secret because he didn’t want to worry his dad or make him sad. The kid had such a great heart.

Things seemed to be settling together well around him. Eddie had Shannon back. Bobby and Athena were engaged. Hen and Karen were still the couple they all envied. And Maddie had decided it was time to really move on and get a divorce from Doug. She showed up to the firehouse with the papers to ask Chimney out, prompting all the others to applaud. Buck was happy for them, he just wasn’t sure how he liked his sister dating his co-worker. But they were soulmates, so he’d have to get used to the idea.

He never would’ve expected things to take such a rapid turn. He arrived home one night, looking forward to an evening with the apartment to himself, as Maddie was supposed to have left for her date with Chimney already. Instead, he found Chimney bleeding out on the ground, and his sister missing.

He knew it had to be Doug. He knew it. And the fact he had threatened his sister’s life before and hurt her on multiple occasions, paired with the fact she’d tried to get a divorce from him, were plenty for him to be alarmed. Moreover, Doug had seen Chim. He would’ve noticed the scar. He would know he was Maddie’s soulmate, that she’d found him. And that worried Buck even more.

~ ~ ~

After getting Bobby’s call, it felt like time stopped. Eddie wanted to join everyone at the hospital right away, but while he was willing to spend the night there and not sleep, he didn’t want that for his son. Fortunately, his aunt Pepa was more than happy to take Christopher for the night and bring him by the hospital in the morning.

He practically ran in, eager for news about Chimney. Then he learned Athena had caught Buck sneaking in and using Chimney’s thumb to unlock his phone. Not the smartest move, but one that was easy to understand. He empathised with him. He’d probably do the same if it was one of his sisters missing, or Christopher. He’d do anything to get them back.

He did his best to comfort Buck, to make him feel better. He hoped it helped. He thought it might have. Then Athena asked Buck to go with her, and Eddie found himself reaching forward as he stood and started walking away. He grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“Wait, how did Chim look?”

“Like he was stabbed and his soulmate’s was knocked over the head.”

Buck sounded stressed and anxious, and Eddie could feel all of that through him. Buck’s eyes fell on his hand on his wrist and he let out a breath he must’ve been holding ever since he found Chimney.

“He didn’t look that bad. I’m sorry. Can you... While I’m looking for Maddie, could you check on Chim, see how he is, if he gets any new scars, and text me?”

“Of course, Buck. Don’t worry, I got you. Go get your sister.”

He let go of Buck and watched as he walked away. The whole team waited anxiously for any kind of news that weren’t coming. Buck texted him updates, of course, but nothing tangible so far. He and Athena were still running around and playing catch up. Doug was still ahead of them.

Eddie was deep in conversation with Michael, who he’d wished he could’ve met under better circumstances, when he noticed Christopher wasn’t around anymore. He looked around for him almost frantically, until he found him sitting in Chimney’s room. A sigh of relief escaped his lips and Bobby smiled, amused at the situation.

“Bobby, can I ask a weird favour?” Chimney said, awake at last.

His eyes went back and forth between him and Christopher, as if he doubted whether he could say what he wanted in front of a child. Eddie was about to leave with Christopher, when Chimney decided to continue.

“Could you make a cut on my hand, or something like that? Just enough so that Maddie will know I’m alive and she doesn’t have to worry?”

“You can do that?” Christopher asked. “Could you make yourself a scar to help your soulmate find you?”

“Technically, you could, but I’ve heard of people doing it and it generally doesn’t go well.” Eddie put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “If you meet too soon, you might not be ready for each other.”

“I know someone who did that and it did so much damage to their relationship with their soulmate, they could never fix it. They’re with other people now, they see each other sometimes, they’re friendly, but they’ll probably never be more than that.” Bobby said.

“But I thought soulmates were supposed to always get along and love each other?” Christopher seemed confused. It was normal, he was only a kid, and he still had a lot to learn.

“Yes, but you grow a lot throughout your life. The person you are now isn’t necessarily who you’ll be in twenty years. That’s why some manage to find love with people who aren’t their soulmate. Because they met at a time that was right for them. You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“So you only meet your soulmate when it’s time for you to be together?”

“Not necessarily.” Eddie said, thinking of Buck. “But when you are the people you need to be to keep growing together. To be compatible.”

He was filled with images of his friendship with Buck and how natural it felt, how easy it was. They definitely weren’t ready to date, but they still made each other better.

“Alright, now that the lesson is over, someone wants to cut me? Maddie has enough to worry about without thinking I’m dead too.”

After it was done, they waited. For what, they didn’t know. Maybe the hope that Buck and Athena would find Maddie and everything would be fine. Maybe to see if any new scars appeared to indicate Doug hurt her more and she was alive. They didn’t think it would feel like such a relief when a mark appeared on Chimney’s other hand, looking deliberate enough that it had to be Maddie responding, saying “I’m alive too.”

Several minutes passed. More scars, more concerning ones, appeared on Chimney. And then, finally, a text from Buck. Maddie was fine. They had her. Doug was dead. It was all over.

~ ~ ~

“I don’t understand, it went so fast.”

Buck had never been more grateful Maddie wasn’t home tonight. She hadn’t been here much ever since Doug had taken her from here. Tonight, she was out with Sue, Josh and more people from the dispatch center. Karaoke night. He thought it might do her some good. And it probably put Eddie more at ease that the two of them were alone.

It had been almost twenty minutes since Eddie showed up, clearly distraught. They’d sat on the couch and drank half their beer in silence before he said anything. Buck didn’t want to ask. Whatever made Eddie upset, he obviously needed a few minutes to put his thoughts together. And Buck was perfectly fine just being there for him, offering support in whatever form he needed, even if it was just keeping him company.

“The other day at the beach, we were having a nice time, like we were a real family again, you know? Just her, me and Christopher.” Eddie continued. “And out of nowhere she asks me, ‘what are we doing, Eddie?’ I thought we were taking things slow, easing into it, figuring it out. And I told her that. But then...”

Eddie swallowed. It was evident he was unsure how to tell him what happened next. It was starting to feel strangely familiar to Buck the way Eddie always seemed to not tell him everything. As though he was hiding something from him. It happened more frequently, and the closer they became, the weirder Buck felt about it.

“She doesn’t get why I don’t... She thinks I should... You know what, it doesn’t matter right now. I thought I’d try to show her I cared about her and things could be good again, so I brought her to dinner. I got her chocolates too, the whole thing.”

“You’re a true romantic.”

“Don’t mock me. You and I both know you’d love this.”

“I have pulled off some great romantic gestures in the past. Or at least I tried.”

“Don’t try with me, I know you. You play the guy who will do all these things and you’re happy to, but deep down, you wish someone would spoil you.”

It was hard to believe how well Eddie had him figured out already. It warmed him up inside, he was almost blushing at the thought that someone cared enough about him to notice small details and be aware of his secret wants. If only he could date someone like Eddie. He really liked Ali, but sometimes it felt like there was something missing. A complicity he found with his best friend. Maybe it was the problem. Maybe he needed to become friends with someone before dating them.

“Weren’t we talking about you though?”

“Right.” Eddie sighed. “So, tonight, I took her out for a nice dinner and she told me she couldn’t do this.”

“Do what? Dinner?”

“No, us, our relationship. She handed me divorce papers, Buck. She said she couldn’t risk failing Chris again, that it would be better for him if we were honest with each other and stopped pretending this was working. That we might be happier apart, that it could give us a chance to find our soulmates and not have anything in our way.”

“Maybe she has a point.”

“What? She’s leaving. Again.”

“Yes, but she has good reasons. If you two aren’t happy together, it’s not good for Chris. You’d end up resenting each other and it’d make a difficult environment for your son to grow in. I understand why you always want to put Chris first, but, believe me, your own happiness and well-being is just as important. And a divorce doesn’t mean she won’t see Chris anymore, does it?”

“No, we agreed to split holidays, and summer vacations. And once she’s settled somewhere, we’ll see if Chris can go over a weekend every month, or whenever I’m on shift if she’s close enough to his school.”

“See, she’ll still be in his life. Probably would come right away if Chris needs her. This is tough, but I think it’s for the best.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“Of course I am.” Buck beamed. He put his hand on Eddie’s shoulder and shook him playfully, hoping to get a smile out of him.

“She’s saying goodbye to him tonight and explaining the whole situation, how she’s leaving but she still loves him. She thought it best if it was just the two of them.”

“Well, I’m always happy to have you around.”

Finally, he got his smile. It always made him happy to see Eddie smile, especially when he was responsible for it. It was moments like this that made him doubtful about his relationship with Ali. It was never like that with her. She made him happy, yes, but not like this. He didn’t feel for her the way he was starting to feel for Eddie. That was something he’d have to deal with soon, but if he was falling for his best friend, that might be a bigger problem.


	7. Chapter 7

Eddie saw the explosion. He saw the ladder truck flip right before their eyes. There was this split second during which he felt nothing. He watched in horror, filled with expectation. He knew pain was coming.

He thought he was ready for it, but he wasn’t. First, there was that deep burning sensation in his left leg. Buck’s was broken. Eddie had to close his eyes and breathe deeply through it. Do his best to keep it together. The others were also dealing with all the emotions that came with watching your family get blown up. They had no idea how anyone in there was doing. All Eddie knew was that Buck got hurt.

Second came every other bit of the pain. His leg was the worst, making everything else practically disappear, and he didn’t know how he’d ever manage to stand. He was grateful for Chimney jumping right into interim captain mode, exiting the truck right away to go assess the situation. That way he couldn’t see what Hen clearly could. A wave of realisation seemed to hit her as she stared straight into his painful face, her eyes focused on the side of his forehead, where surely a scar must’ve appeared, he’d felt it briefly.

“Eddie... It’s who I think, isn’t it?”

“Hen, not now. He needs us.”

The words barely escaped his mouth. They had to follow Chimney out, they had to go assess what the situation was, how Buck and the others were doing, what was happening out there. Most of all, Eddie needed to see Buck. Hen helped him out, the pain still too intense for him to walk easily on his own. He was doing everything he could to breathe through it, to try and tamper it faster, so he’d be ready to provide Buck with anything he needed.

They stood by the ambulance, Eddie leaning slightly on Hen, as that kid stood over Buck, strapped with more bombs. Eddie felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore. They watched as Chimney tried to step in to talk him down, and they watched as Bobby offered himself up, saying that Buck had nothing to do with what happened to the kid’s family. They stopped watching as soon as he was disarmed. They exchanged a look, Hen making sure Eddie was good, and they ran together to reach Buck.

“Hold in there, Buckaroo.”

Eddie heard someone say. He wasn’t paying enough attention to know who it was, all that mattered was the heartbreaking sounds coming from Buck. He was in so much pain, so much more than the fraction of it that Eddie could feel, and all Eddie wanted to do was find a way to soothe it. If he could’ve, he would’ve taken all of Buck’s pain from him and carried it himself.

Everyone, including bystanders, gathered around to lift the truck. Eddie held Buck’s hand the whole time. He needed to, so he could pull him out. Squeezing it to let Buck know he was there, right by his side, may not have been, but he thought it was the least he could do to show his support, and to make himself feel better.

The yell of pain escaping Buck as he was freed shattered Eddie’s heart like nothing else before. He felt it too, but it was as though his own pain didn’t exist. It was muffled by the sight of it on his soulmate’s face. Watching him suffer felt so much worse, it was so much more painful than any physical pain he’d ever experienced.

As they rolled him to the ambulance, Buck wouldn’t let go of Eddie’s hand. He was barely conscious and yet, his grip was strong, almost desperate. Eddie rubbed his thumb on his to soothe him. Something passed in Buck’s face when his eyes fleeted open and locked on Eddie’s face, but it was gone almost immediately and his heavy eyelids shut again.

“Hey, Buckaroo, I know you’re tired and you’re in pain, but you’ve got to stay awake, alright? Stay with us.” Hen said.

Buck’s eyes stayed closed, but he squeezed Eddie’s hand to show he was still there.

“Good, keep doing that. I’m not going anywhere. You’re not alone, Buck, I’m here.”

There was a break in Eddie’s voice as he spoke. Buck didn’t react to it, but Hen put her hand on his arm and rubbed it. Her face was filled with compassion. She understood. She would keep that secret until he was ready. They didn’t have to talk about it, he could see it in her eyes.

Even though it pained him to do so, Eddie stayed away while Buck was at the hospital. He waited with everyone else during the surgery, and went by for a quick hello once they were told he was awake. Buck seemed to look at him strangely, but didn’t say anything. Eddie thought he might have wanted to, he just couldn’t with everyone else around. It made Eddie nervous, wondering what he might have seen, and he decided not to visit again. They’d see each other soon enough. Besides, Buck needed rest and to spend time with his girlfriend and his sister. It was for the best.

“Things will finally go back to the way they’re supposed to be.” Hen said.

It was their next shift. They stood next to the new ladder truck with Chimney and Bobby, who had been reinstated from his suspension.

“Almost.” Eddie said.

He missed Buck. He missed his constant presence. Buck was almost exhausting in the way he was always there, in how he never faltered and was great with Christopher. They’d been taking him for granted, all of them. Eddie felt a hole in his heart working without his best friend, his partner, his soulmate, beside him.

His divorce wasn’t even cold yet and already the weight of his feelings for Buck was almost too much to bear. Shannon was right. He belonged with his soulmate, not her. She wanted the same for herself and she deserved to be happy.

Eddie finally reached the end of his probation. At the ceremony, he felt happier than he had in a long time. Everyone was there to support him, even people he never thought would come. His parents, who had been vocal about their disapproval for his career choice and, most importantly, his decision to live in L.A., sat with his sisters, his aunt, his abuela and Christopher. His son. The love of his life. There was no better feeling than watching him walk to him to hand him his helmet. And there was Buck. No one had thought he’d be there, but Maddie said he insisted. Buck led him apart from the group to congratulate him.

“I’m so happy for you, man.”

“Thanks, Buck. Means a lot that you’re here.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”

Eddie beamed. He tried not to, but he couldn’t stop himself. He was happy.

“Hey, by the way, I’m sorry about Ali.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you’re right, maybe there’s no point in dating someone who isn’t your soulmate, it never works out.”

“Not sure I’m the person you should be taking dating advice from. I haven’t exactly been doing much of that.”

“Oh, so you’re saying I shouldn’t be waiting for my soulmate? Cause Maddie already suggested setting me up with one of her co-workers.”

“No, no, I think waiting for your soulmate is a wise decision.” Eddie said, maybe a little too fast.

“Whoever that might be.” Buck sighed. He looked down, the wheels clearly running in his brain. Eddie watched nervously as he shifted his weight from one crutch to the other. They really should sit down. He was just about to suggest it when Buck talked again, a hesitant quiver in his voice. “That day, when you pulled me out from under the truck, I... I thought I saw... Never mind, it doesn’t matter. I was in so much pain, I must’ve imagined it.”

“What do you think you saw?”

Buck’s courage seemed to deflate before his eyes.

“Nothing, Eddie, it doesn’t matter. We should go back to the others.”

Without waiting for an answer, Buck started turning away. Eddie wanted to stop him. He wanted to tell him that he didn’t imagine anything. That, yes, there was that cut in his face that mirrored Buck’s for a few minutes. The truth burned at his throat. It wanted to get out so badly, and Eddie wanted nothing more than to let it. But Buck’s life had already been thrown upside down enough as it was. Too many things had happened between his injury, the uncertainty about his job and his break up. He didn’t need Eddie to drop another bomb on him. Not now. Not yet.

So Eddie stood there silently and watched him walk away. It was for the best, he knew it was.

~ ~ ~

It was well into summer now. Buck had had another surgery for his leg a few days after the first one. He’d had to stay in a cast for weeks while the bones healed. Then, they needed to go back in again because he had an infection, but he was finally out of the cast and didn’t need another one. He had appointments twice a week with a nurse to check how he was healing and change his bandages. And once a week he did physiotherapy.

Bobby had been coming around pretty regularly. He was there all the time throughout the surgeries and every time he had to be at the hospital, now he came every other day to encourage him. It was weighing on Buck, not because he didn’t appreciate it, but because there were other people who should’ve done the same, or at the very least asked how he was doing. Just once.

Tired of swallowing those feelings, and wondering if they cared at all, or even knew, Buck picked up his phone and called. His leg bounced in front of him in a way that annoyed even him. With every ring, he felt himself lose courage and almost hung up. But he rode it out and in less time than it felt like, his father voice was heard at the other end of the line.

“Buck? Why are you calling?”

“Something happened to me, I was in an accident and I thought you should know.”

“Yeah, your sister called to say you were in the hospital. What kind of an accident was it?”

“There was an explosion and the ladder truck fell on me. You must’ve heard about that. It was all over the news.”

“Oh, we don’t pay attention to what’s going on across the country. It’s so far away, why would we?”

“Because you have two children living there.”

“Still can’t believe Maddie would throw her career away like that. Moving across the country and for what? We told her marrying Doug was a bad idea. She didn’t listen to us and now look where it got her.”

“Are you serious right now? She couldn’t have known, none of it was her fault. And she’s happy now. She made a new life for herself here, we both have.”

He almost told him about Chimney, but he knew his father would only use that to prove his point about how she should’ve waited for her soulmate. He couldn’t deal with that right now.

“And now you feel the need to make ours harder? Why did you call?”

“I just thought you’d want to know I’m doing well. I’m doing rehab and my leg is improving. I should be able to get back to work in a few weeks.”

“You know we can’t come by. California is way too far. Calling us like this, telling us how you got injured in your dangerous job, it just worries us. Did you even think about that? How it would make us feel?”

“How it makes _you_ feel? I was crushed by a truck. I’ve had multiple surgeries. Maddie, my captain, my best friend, they’ve been here almost every day supporting me. You haven’t even bothered to call to see how I’m doing. And it’s not even just about the accident. You never call. Not even after the whole thing with Maddie and Doug. Do you even care about us?”

It felt good to finally say it. To finally call his father out a little bit. All these years he’d done his best to preserve the relationship, and Maddie had worked hard to keep the peace all her life, but that was over now. He lived far away from them and they barely spoke as it was. There was no relationship to try and save. If anything, maybe some honesty would do them some good.

“Don’t raise your voice, Evan. Your mother and I are doing the best we can. After all we’ve done for you, you still don’t appreciate us. We have lives too, we don’t always have time to check in. You could call too, maybe not just to give us bad news like your sister does.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “Anyway, I have things to do. Glad you’re doing well and won’t be risking your life anytime soon. Goodbye.”

“Bye, dad.”

Buck didn’t know why he hoped for anything better, why he still clung to the possibility of change. His dad hadn’t even answered his question, he hadn’t said they cared. It was alright though. He could live with things being this way now that he had moved and found himself a real family. Talking of which, the door to his apartment opened on some company that would certainly cheer him up.

“What are you doing here?”

Buck asked when Eddie showed up at his side as he did every day, like clockwork.

“I came to keep you company and support you. Do you not want me here?”

“I do. I always enjoy having you around, but you don’t have to come every day. I’m sure you have better things to do.”

“Nothing I’d rather be doing more than watching you torture yourself. You shouldn’t be doing so much every single day, you know? You need rest. Your leg needs to recuperate.”

“You’re starting to sound like my physiotherapist. I just want to get back to work as soon as possible.”

“There’s no need to rush, Buck. Your place will still be there waiting for you.”

Eddie helped him with his exercises, just as used to the movements as he was. He disagreed with how hard he pushed himself, but still he was there all the time, making sure he didn’t hurt himself and constantly handing him a glass of water for him to drink. It was sweet. Buck had seen him like this as a father, but never directed at someone else, never at him.

“Wait... are you here because you get bored at home? You miss Christopher so you come hang out with me every day?”

Buck had noticed how down Eddie sometimes looked ever since Christopher left for his mom’s a few weeks ago. It was difficult not having him around, even if it was only for part of summer break.

“Just because I miss my son doesn’t mean I don’t care about you just as much.”

Eddie was giving him so much, he was the best friend he could ever have, but Buck wanted more. He felt deeply for him and they weren’t the kind of feelings you had for a friend. He was falling for Eddie. Or more accurately, he’d fallen. Too often he found himself staring at his lips, wishing they could be on his, at his arms, wishing they could wrap themselves around him, at his hand, wishing their fingers could be intertwined. More than anything else, he wished they could be soulmates.


	8. Chapter 8

Eddie had gotten used to always being around Buck, to him always being there for him and his son, even teaching Christopher how to cook. Both of them making jokes and laughing about Eddie’s lack of skills. But then Buck coughed up blood due to a pulmonary embolism and was told he couldn’t go back to work, and he disappeared. The man he knew wasn’t there anymore. He wouldn’t even take his calls, or anyone else’s. He never used to ignore him before.

It broke Eddie’s heart to hear of him being so depressed. To hear that he wouldn’t even leave his apartment for a week. He had to do something to help him move past this and he had the perfect idea. When he got to his place, Buck didn’t answer the door, which wasn’t completely unexpected. Maybe he thought whoever it was would just go away. But Eddie had a key and he let himself in.

He climbed up to the mezzanine where Buck was still sleeping. He pulled the covers off him and forced him to get out of bed. His surprised face when he noticed Christopher sitting on his couch was adorable. Suddenly, his protests were gone. Buck always made an effort around Christopher and Eddie knew his son was the only person who could reach him.

“He’s spending the day with his Buck today.” Eddie explained as he hugged his son goodbye. “You know, he missed you this summer. Have fun.”

He almost wished he didn’t have to go to work, that he could stay and spend the day with the two people he cared most about. But he also knew there was a better chance for this to work if it was just the two of them. He was looking forward to coming back at the end of his shift and hopefully finding Buck in a better mood.

An hour and a half later, Eddie was sitting in the firehouse lounge with the rest of the team, waiting for their first call of the day. Pain came to Eddie and he thought, maybe Buck hit his head against something, he was tall, it could happen. Probably squatted down to get to Christopher’s level and hurt himself against the kitchen island or something. Nothing to worry about. He wouldn’t be doing anything dangerous while he had Christopher with him. Eddie knew he could trust him completely.

Then the call came. Tsunami at the pier.

Bobby and Hen took their eyes off whatever mark had appeared on his face to share a look of alarm. A reflection of what Eddie felt. But none of them could voice their concern. Saying it would only make it more real.

“Do you think your soulmate got caught in the tsunami?” Chimney, oblivious to the situation, asked.

Eddie wasn’t sure what to answer. The thought was too terrifying. If Buck had been caught in it, it was a lot to deal with already. But Buck wasn’t alone today. He was with Christopher. And Eddie couldn’t possibly imagine the two most important people in his life getting hit by a natural disaster. There was something reassuring about the both of them being together too. Buck would do everything to protect Chris. It still tore at his heart to think of them possibly getting hurt.

As they drove to the scene, where they’d exchange their truck for a boat, Eddie tried calling Buck. It went straight to voicemail. He tried again, and again, with the same result. He couldn’t get an answer. Dread filled him. Buck would never ignore his calls when he had Christopher with him no matter how depressed he was. He just wouldn’t. Something really was wrong.

There were scratches fading on his face and he couldn’t find an explanation for them, or the ignored phone calls, that didn’t involve Buck being swept by the tsunami. Bobby saw the fear in his eyes and asked if he was good to work or if he needed to go home. He said he’d rather be here, in the action, doing something. Because if Buck and Christopher really were in this, and not in a random car accident like Hen suggested could also be a possibility, working rescue was the best way Eddie could help. He couldn’t do anything else for them now.

Chimney was completely oblivious. Maddie was safe at the dispatch center and, when he called her, she told him she took comfort in the fact her brother hadn’t left his apartment in a week and was nowhere near the chaos for once. Hen and Eddie did their best to keep their face straighter than they were. Bobby’s eye roll made it clear they’d failed.

They rescued people whose boat had strayed into the flooded streets then moved farther out to the completely submerged pier. There were still people on the Ferris wheel, with no way to get anywhere. They got them all out into their boats, including Lena Bosko, a firefighter from a station who had been responding to a call when the tsunami hit. They went back to dry land.

The day had been long and there was still a lot to do, but the water had receded back to the ocean now, so there shouldn’t be any further damage. Eddie ended up splitting from the team to walk to the VA hospital with Lena who’d been injured. It wasn’t a bad walk all things considered. It gave them a chance to calm down a bit, the sunset was a pretty good sight and they got to talk.

“You know, you really don’t have to come with me.” Lena said.

“Captain’s orders, sorry. Plus, I’m pretty sure you’d just run off to look for your captain if I left.”

“I need to know he’s okay. He’s important to me.”

“I know, I get it. But you also need to get your ribs checked out. Chances are, he’ll be brought to the same place we’re going.”

“Alright, guess it can’t hurt to get bandaged up before getting back out there.”

A yelp escaped Eddie as he felt a pang of unexpected pain on his arm. Lena instinctively put her hand on his shoulder, concern spreading across her face.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m...” He pulled up his sleeve to reveal the mark of a bad cut. “Shit, he’s on blood thinners.”

“Your soulmate? You know who he is?”

“Yes. It’s my best friend, I haven’t told him yet.” He took a deep breath, or two. He needed to stay calm, panic would not achieve anything. “I left my son with him this morning. I thought they were safe together, even when the tsunami hit and he got scratches on his face, I hoped they were still at his place, safely away from here. But he ignored my calls and now this? I don’t know anymore.”

“So, you really do get it. Me wanting to look for my captain. You’ve probably wanted to look for them all day.”

“I thought maybe we’d run into them or I’d hear from him eventually.” Eddie’s voice broke. He hated that. He hated his emotions taking him over like this. He was always taught to bottle them up, to get over it and keep moving. And yet here he was, letting someone he’d just met see exactly how he was feeling. “I do think the VA hospital is our best bet though.”

“I hate that you’re probably right. Either way, let’s stick together, we’ll get our people back. Or we’ll die trying.”

Eddie couldn’t help but smile. He was surprised at how well they got along together and could already sense a friendship building. It was good. He hoped he and Lena could become friends. It felt claustrophobic sometimes having all of his friends working at the same station he did. For now, however, they’d finally made it to the hospital and had plenty of more concerning things to worry about.

At first, when Eddie spotted Buck, hurt but alive, he felt relief. Then he saw he was alone, and he noticed Christopher’s glasses around his neck. He froze. Paralysed by fear and pain and grief. If his son wasn’t with Buck, it meant he was lost. It meant the unthinkable happened and the two of them got separated and Christopher disappeared.

Buck would’ve done everything to keep Christopher safe, to keep him with him, to save him. He probably would’ve given his life for the boy. Buck must’ve spent every single second since losing sight of Christopher searching for him. He wouldn’t give up, likely would’ve kept looking if they hadn’t run into each other.

Eddie’s heart shattered at the sight. He couldn’t believe his son was gone. It was too much to bear, too much to ever come back from. He couldn’t imagine anything worse.

Then he saw him. A woman behind Buck had found Christopher and brought him here. Tears filled his eyes as he ran to them. He wrapped his arms around his son, hugging him tighter than ever, letting him feel all his love for him and his relief to be reunited with him.

A quick look behind him let him see a small smile on Buck’s face before he collapsed to the ground, Bobby and Hen catching him. As Chimney’s eyes moved between them, his eyes widened at the realisation that the scratches on Buck’s face matched the ones that had appeared momentarily on Eddie’s this morning. But Eddie didn’t care about that right now. All he cared about was that his son and his soulmate were alright.

They were here and they were alive. Nothing else mattered.

~ ~ ~

After the tsunami, and Eddie assuring him he trusted no one more than him with Christopher, Buck had renewed energy. He wanted to get back to work any way he could, even if it was just by being fire marshal for now. Eventually they would realise he was doing well and could reintegrate the 118, or his doctors would figure out the clot problem and take him off the blood thinners. All he needed to do was be patient and wait it out.

He wanted to make Christopher proud. He wanted to show him he could also be resilient and strong. That he wasn’t just going to give up because things got hard. Eddie trusted him with his son, and it meant more to him than just occasionally taking care of him and keeping him safe. He needed to be a good example for him, to be the kind of man Christopher could look up to. And that started by doing everything he could to get back where he belonged.

Then, he had that dinner at Bobby and Athena’s house and it changed everything. When Bobby admitted to being responsible for his being kept away from the firehouse, because he thought he wasn’t ready to come back for some unknown reason he wouldn’t specify, because the blood thinners worried him, because he didn’t think he could be trusted with the lives of the rest of the team, when he said all those things Buck lost it and stormed out. He had never felt more betrayed. It was as though he’d just found a knife in his back.

He tried calling Eddie once he’d made it back to his jeep, but there was no answer. He texted him, telling him to call him as soon as he saw it, that he needed to talk. He drove by his place, but his pickup wasn’t there.

The next morning, as he stood at the door of the lawyer’s office, having not gotten a lot of sleep, both because of the fight with Bobby and because his soulmate seemed to have gotten into a fight late at night, new marks and bruises appearing and disappearing, Buck looked down at his phone, hoping for an answer, but it seemed Eddie wasn’t up yet. He wanted to explain to him why he was doing this before he did, but maybe it was better this way. No chance that he could convince him not to.

When the lawyer told him there should be no contact between him and anyone from the team during the lawsuit, Buck had a short moment of hesitation. Then, he thought the others would probably be relieved that he couldn’t talk to them anymore. He had been such a burden to everyone the last few months, he was sure they didn’t really want him around anymore. And even with all the support and all the trust Eddie showed him, there was still something weird between them. Something that had only grown since the tsunami. Maybe not seeing or talking to each other would be good for them. It would certainly make it easier for Eddie to keep whatever secret he had from him.

As much as Buck yearned to be more than best friends with Eddie, he knew it wouldn’t happen now. Things were too awkward. Some distance might help, and part of Buck even dared to hope it would make Eddie miss him enough to move things along. If he was being honest, there were days when Buck thought he hadn’t imagined anything that night after he was crushed by the truck. Maybe what he believed he saw was what Eddie had been hiding. Maybe they were soulmates and Eddie had known all along.

What if the reason he hadn’t said anything was that he didn’t want to be with Buck? That was a heart-wrenching thought. But one it might be easier to deal with as he stopped seeing or even talking to Eddie every day.

He was filled with a myriad of thoughts. It felt overwhelming. Like there was too much for him to process and he didn’t know where to start anymore. His doubts and fears about Eddie were only one thing that added on. He couldn’t stop thinking about how differently he was being treated by Bobby, how unfair it seemed to him that Chimney could go back to work so quickly every time and he couldn’t, even after surviving a once in a lifetime natural disaster, something that had to be worse than anything he’d face on the job.

Sometimes he felt as though he wasn’t being taken seriously. He wasn’t that kid he used to be when he first started working at the 118 anymore. He’d grown a lot since then. Yet, they never seemed to think of him as someone as capable as the rest of the team. He was frustrated and he didn’t know what to do anymore, how to make them understand everything, how to get his life back. He knew a lawsuit wasn’t the way, but he felt backed into a corner and he couldn’t see any solution in sight. Right now, this was the only thing that could get make him move forward, his only fighting chance.

So he told his lawyer he was sure about doing this.


	9. Chapter 9

Eddie was angry all the time. He was angry at the fact his soulmate had gotten crushed by a truck and after months of work wasn’t allowed back to do the job he loved and was great at. He was angry that his son couldn’t see his mom as often as he wished. He was angry that he almost lost both his son and soulmate in a tsunami. He was angry at all the guilt and blame he could see so clearly in Buck’s face after that, despite none of it being his fault. And most of all, he was angry that just when he was ready to finally tell Buck about their connection, about the feelings he had for him, he couldn’t talk to him anymore. Because of a stupid lawsuit.

At that hearing, Eddie could see how uncomfortable Buck seemed to be at the things his lawyer brought up, Bobby’s relapse especially. But he was also angry that his best friend, the person he thought they could all trust with their secrets, had told all of it, all those private things, to someone who was practically a stranger, someone who had every intention of using those things against them.

Later, that random guy got on his nerves and it was stronger than him. He hit him. And he found himself unable to call Buck, his best friend, his soulmate, to bail him out. He couldn’t possibly ask anyone else at the 118 either. They would do it, but they would also ask a ton of questions, lecture him, and never let it go. So he called Lena. They’d been getting along pretty well, and she already felt like a good friend to him.

Then, once back on shift, they ran into Buck at the grocery store and Eddie found himself going off at him. He saw him and felt so mad. He missed him and he hated this situation more than anything. He told him all sorts of things, most of which he didn’t even mean, as if he was trying to do nothing more than to hurt him the way he was hurting himself.

All in all, it was a bunch of outbursts, something like an escalation of anger, clear signs that he needed an outlet to let it all out. And Lena found him one.

Street fighting. It felt good. It felt active. The pain, both the receiving and the giving of it, was like materialising his feelings, bringing all the hurt from inside on the outside. The entire thing seemed to relieve him of all that pent up rage he carried. It was addictive and part of him deep down knew he was headed down a dangerous path, but all he knew right now was that it helped.

~ ~ ~

When Bobby invited him to join the team for an activity, Buck was surprised. He didn’t think any of them would want to see him after all the things his lawyer brought up. He had so many regrets about it. All of this, all the pain this thing had caused and all the city had offered him was money. He wasn’t interested in that.

He walked into that place filled with nerves. The point of it was for people to come and let out steam through destruction. He hadn’t known such a thing existed before. He wished he had. He certainly could’ve used something like that as a teenager, back when he was in a tough place. It would’ve been a much healthier outlet than some other things he’d done.

After Bobby announced to him that he’d be allowed back, following his rules, Buck ended up hanging out with Lena. The others were still hesitant to welcome him back within their group right away and he understood.

“Where’s Eddie?”

Buck asked after he noticed his absence. He had also felt something on his face. His soulmate had gotten hurt somewhere visible and it would’ve been a perfect opportunity to see whether he’d imagined his injury on Eddie when he’d pulled him from under the truck. If he’d been here.

As much as he’d disliked Lena before, simply because she’d taken his place at the 118, and seemingly as Eddie’s best friend, she turned out to be actually great. He could see why her and Eddie had gotten close. They had a great time together and destroying things did make him feel better.

Maybe it was that he’d waited for that day for so long. Or maybe it was that he had started to believe it would never happen. Or maybe it was more of those never treated the same as the others feelings that remained. Buck had expected a banner to welcome him back, just something, anything, like they always did. But there was nothing. No one even paid him any attention. Except Hen who came to him in the locker room.

All of that was quickly forgotten, however, once Eddie showed up. Now, Buck was really starting to believe he hadn’t imagined anything. Eddie looked a little roughed up. Buck didn’t know what bothered him most. The lie about how it happened, or the fact those injuries were reminiscent of some Buck had seen in his mirror the night before. He couldn’t be sure of anything though. It was all circumstantial, just a theory for now. Regardless, he would’ve thought he and Eddie were close enough, before the lawsuit at least, to have a conversation about it. He felt hurt that Eddie would claim to be his best friend but hide something as big as being soulmates from him.

Buck spent the entire day at the station, giving out candy and smoke detectors. He couldn’t stop thinking about Eddie giving him the cold shoulder, still mad at him. About this big thing he couldn’t talk about, because maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was misreading the signs because it was what he wanted them to say so badly. He wanted Eddie to be his soulmate. It was useless to deny it anymore. He’d fallen for his best friend, and it seemed like it was unrequited.

At the end of the day, Buck stopped Eddie and apologised. There was a lot still left unsaid, as far as he thought at least, but Eddie forgave him, they made up and hugged. And there was a moment during that hug, when their faces were so close to one another, where it seemed like they were about to kiss. Or maybe it was just Buck projecting his desire to do so and it wasn’t at all what Eddie felt.

It almost physically hurt how much he wanted him. How much he craved to be with him, to feel his warmth near him all the time. When they detached and Eddie walked away, Buck felt cold, and like he was missing something. There was this yearning inside him that only grew stronger and stronger, it was practically unbearable now.

After an accident where he got cut on glass and was sent to the hospital, because he’d rushed in to save someone, Buck was fully reinstated. It seemed by apologising about it and explaining he’d been careless, he finally convinced Bobby he was ready to be back.

“Hey, sleeping beauty, you’re taking up all the space on the couch.” Hen shook him awake.

“There are other couches.”

“This one has the best angle to play videogames, scoot over.”

He obliged, rubbing his eyes as he looked at the time on his phone. It was halfway through the afternoon, he must’ve fallen asleep shortly after lunch. Part of him was surprised they didn’t get any calls, and another was grateful for the rest.

“What’s going on, Buckaroo? You’re not usually the kind to nap during the day.”

“My soulmate’s gotten into the habit of getting into fights late at night. Mostly on Fridays when I have the day off after, but they still keep me up on the regular.”

There hadn’t been so many injuries appearing on him from his soulmate in years. Most of the ones that had appeared during that time were similar to his, could easily be the result of being a firefighter. But these fighting injuries were new and a lot. It worried him. He wondered what his soulmate was up to. It was taking everything within himself not to ask Eddie. Because he still wasn’t entirely sure it was him and he didn’t want to risk breaking the relationship he’d just repaired. Because, after all, why would he be getting fight marks from Eddie? Eddie didn’t get into fights.

“Guess you’re lucky their schedule seems to match yours at least.” Hen said.

There was something in her voice, like she knew something more that she wouldn’t share with him. It was starting to become something habitual. When Chimney had seen one of those fight marks appear on his face on a night out they’d had with Maddie, he’d been weird about it, and Maddie had seemed just as confused about it as he was. Buck had assumed it was still about the lawsuit and everything that came out of it, like Bobby’s relapse that Chimney had never known about. But maybe it was something else.

If his suspicions were somehow right, not wishful thinking, and Eddie actually was his soulmate, did everyone else know? Was that what all those strange looks from Hen, Chimney and Bobby were about? And what did it mean if everyone knew but him? Hopefully, he could get a confirmation soon. With the kind of job they had, one of them was bound to get hurt around the other soon.

~ ~ ~

Eddie startled awake. He was drenched in sweat. He somehow managed to slow his breathing and calm himself down. He had to. He wanted to hear whether he’d screamed and woken up his son who was sleeping across the hall. He stayed completely silent, practically holding his breath, for a few seconds, listening intently for any signs of unrest from the other room. When he felt reassured enough about that, and all need to keep up a strong front for his child was gone, he crumbled in tears.

The nightmare he’d just woken from had taken him back to the pier, on the Ferris wheel. He stood alone at the top of it, watching Buck and Christopher having fun with the games down there. Until they were swept away by a tsunami wave. He’d spent the rest of the dream looking for them frantically, but they were gone. Everything he touched turned into sand and soon he was standing alone in the desert. Quickly sinking as he reached around, frantically trying anything to get to the two people in his life he loved most, until the earth swallowed him whole.

He started hitting his mattress, hoping to get the same kind of relief fighting brought him, but it didn’t. Before he could even try to stop it, tears were pouring down his face and sobs were shaking his body. He was so scared to lose them. So afraid that Buck would leave him the same way Shannon did. Because Eddie wasn’t enough. He couldn’t make the mother of his son stay. He couldn’t take care of Christopher as well as everyone else. Even Buck was so much better with him than he could ever be, teaching the kid how to cook when Eddie himself couldn’t prepare a decent meal, and saving his life in a natural disaster. Eddie almost expected Shannon to take Christopher from him any day, before he let him down again.

He sat in bed for long minutes, his feelings pouring out like never before. It felt as though the dam broke and everything was coming out all at once. He could only be grateful that it happened in the middle of the night, when he was alone in his bedroom, and not when he was surrounded by other people.

It felt good in a way, to let go of his control and allow himself feel it all. Maybe Bobby had been right about that. Maybe he’d been burying things down for too long and he was bound to break at some point. Maybe Lena had been right when she found him at the fight, after he’d called 9-1-1 for the guy he’d knocked out. Maybe he did need to talk to someone. Maybe he should go back to therapy.

After his eyes finally dried out, he walked out of his room to stand in Christopher’s doorway. Watching his son sleep peacefully, safely tucked in bed, always brought him comfort. It didn’t, however, appease the feeling that he was broken. Broken in a way he hoped his son would never be, and he was ready to do whatever it took to avoid that.

The next morning, he called Frank to get an appointment. If there was any chance therapy could save his son from turning out like him, then he would do it. As he walked past Buck, who smiled brightly at him the way he always did, despite how tired he seemed to be, Eddie was convinced he’d done the right thing. He was too broken to be with Buck. He couldn’t put his problems on him. It was clear enough that the way he’d been dealing with them had already taken a toll on his soulmate and it had to stop.

Now, he realised he needed to work on himself before he could tell Buck anything. He loved him too much to do otherwise, loved him too much to admit that they were linked together and all he’d gotten for a soulmate was Eddie. Buck deserved better.


	10. Chapter 10

It was an ordinary night, him, Eddie and Christopher having pizza and hanging out casually, as if they were a family. It felt good, familiar and comfortable. Everything Buck wanted. Except it felt tainted by what Eddie was hiding from him. He’d been fighting, Buck knew now, and everything made sense, all the scars and bruises and various marks. After he’d learned about that, he’d spent an entire evening documenting everything he could think of.

The gunshot scar fit with when Eddie was in Afghanistan. He hadn’t told him much about that time, but enough that he knew he’d gotten injured, which easily could’ve been from getting shot at. The timeline of mild burns and other firefighting related marks he’d seen matched when Eddie started training and working for the department. He hadn’t imagined the cut on Eddie’s face after getting stuck under the truck.

And Eddie was always suspiciously careful about Buck seeing his skin. He was never shirtless in front of him, but he knew from Maddie, who’d been by the firehouse to visit Chimney, that he wasn’t so self conscious while Buck wasn’t working. That was also around the same time she started looking at him with the same strange expression as everyone else, which told Buck she must’ve seen something, like that gunshot wound scar Buck had on his shoulder. Chimney had started doing that after the tsunami, which meant he saw the scratches on his face appear and disappear from Eddie’s. And Hen had to have noticed Eddie being in pain because of the truck, which Chimney could’ve missed because he was busy replacing Bobby as captain.

Bobby had to have known all along. From that moment when Eddie walked in to the showers and freaked out, or Eddie’s version of freaking out. Everyone knew. Everyone except Buck. And likely Christopher too. Buck could explain why Eddie wouldn’t have told his kid, but him? Why wouldn’t he tell his best friend that they were soulmates? What was he waiting for? Did he not feel the same way about Buck that he felt about Eddie?

So, he had an idea. Christopher was watching TV in the living room while they were cleaning up a bit. Or rather putting dishes in the sink and drinking beer instead of actually washing them. They started talking about things and they got a chance to make things right about the lawsuit and the fighting.

Buck thought, maybe this whole time he was the one Eddie actually wanted to fight. Maybe he wanted to hit him because he didn’t like that they were soulmates. Or there was something else stopping him from saying anything, and maybe if Buck showed interest, by flirting with him, then it would help move things along.

So he talked about fighting each other and he did it very playfully. He even got closer and everything. It seemed to have an effect on Eddie, who seemed to be taking more sips of his beer, and looking away more. As if he were into him, but still didn’t want to do anything about it.

Buck spent the rest of the night throwing looks at Eddie as they played videogames and reaching to touch him lightly, doing as much as he could to try and pull his attention on him while Christopher sat between them. But Eddie was stubbornly avoiding looking directly at him. Part of Buck wished they were alone, but another thought it was better that way. It kept him from doing something he could regret, like kiss Eddie.

By the end of the night, when Eddie had carried a sleeping Christopher out and back toward their home, Buck went to bed convinced his best friend wished he could have a better soulmate, someone who didn’t constantly get left behind, someone less disappointing, someone who didn’t just expose all the secrets of everyone he cared about with a lawsuit. Buck rolled around from side to side for what seemed like forever, confused and feeling like a selfish idiot who ruined everything. He fell for his best friend who turned out to be his soulmate, but he made it so that Eddie didn’t want him as any more than a friend, or babysitter.

He’d had a great night, and yet he still felt as though he’d be alone forever. Constantly the backup choice, never the wanted one.

~ ~ ~

After everything that had happened, with the tsunami, the lawsuit and the street fighting, Eddie was happy to go back to their old routine. Just a casual night hanging out with Buck and Christopher, eating pizza and watching a movie Eddie picked, because Buck hadn’t seen nearly enough movies and Christopher lost his choosing privilege after making them rewatch the same movie five times in a row.

The plan was casual, and something Eddie loved. Like they were a family, which he hoped would become reality one day, if he could figure himself out. This night was exactly the kind of moment he’d told Frank about, where he should feel some kind of happiness but didn’t. He had a job he really enjoyed. His soulmate was his best friend and he got to spend time with him and his son, and it felt easy and comfortable. Things had been rough recently, but they were getting back to normal. Except for the nightmares he kept getting, his life was good.

At least it was supposed to be a casual, fun night. Then Buck started flirting, saying all kinds of things about how he was the one Eddie had really wanted to hit when he was fighting. He had the most adorable expression as he said it. Buck walked closer, too close, so close the little space left between them almost felt like torture. Like he was flaunting the fact he was interested in him.

Buck liked him back, but instead of making the first move, he was trying to get Eddie to do it. It was strange in a way that made him wonder whether he might’ve figured out they were soulmates. He decided it couldn’t be, or Buck would’ve said something.

They ended up playing a videogame, with Christopher sitting between them, barely making things any easier. Eddie wanted to push Buck back against the couch, or against the wall, and kiss him mindless. That’d sure shut him up. He couldn’t even get himself to look at him, too scared he’d lose his self-control despite his son being there. Or that he would once Christopher fell asleep.

Frank thought he had PTSD, a remnant from his army days set off by the emotions of the tsunami. Eddie didn’t think it was fair to drag Buck into it until he had a handle on it. He couldn’t do that to him. Buck deserved better than being loved by a broken man. He’d been taken for granted and left behind too many times before. He needed to feel like someone chose him and wanted him, he needed someone to show him and make him understand that he was enough. As much as he wanted to, Eddie couldn’t give him that, not yet.

Still, despite everything, they seemed to settle back into a comfortable rhythm over the next few weeks. Eddie knew time was the best thing for their relationship. Buck felt a little distant though. It was subtle, however Eddie knew him well enough now to see the way he buried himself into research about radiation and spent all his time looking for signs that Bobby might not be fine. They still hung out like always, but it felt as though Buck had put up a wall, like Eddie had upset him and he was trying to protect himself. It saddened him to think he could’ve hurt Buck, but he didn’t see a better alternative.

“Why can’t you come with me?” Christopher asked.

They were sitting on the porch, waiting for Shannon to come pick him up. Eddie had spent the morning talking with Hen, while Buck decorated Christmas cookies with Christopher and Denny

“I’m working, I already told you.”

“But we could have Christmas as a family, like last year.”

“Chris...”

“I know you and mom aren’t together anymore, but you’re still my parents. We’re still a family. Why can’t we do things all of us together? Buck could be there too.”

Eddie’s heart jumped. He was conflicted between his feelings of joy that his son wanted his soulmate around, that he accepted him as part of their family already, and his worry that maybe Christopher had figured it out. Was he ready for his dad to be with someone else?

“I...” Buck started, leaving the spot where he leaned against the wall to come sit next to him. “Chris, I don’t think I’d belong with you guys. Pretty sure if your dad wasn’t working, he’d prefer just family, the two of you, Pepa, abuela, and your mom, but not me.”

“That’s not true.”

“Either way, he’s stuck spending Christmas with me. And we’ll both miss you.”

“Really, Buck?” Eddie said. “You’re gonna argue with my son over who’s part of our family or not? He says you’re part of it, then you are. Unless you don’t want to be?”

“Of course, I want to, I just meant... Never mind, I’m honoured to be included.”

Eddie put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed, smiling. Buck looked back at him, and for a moment, there was something between them, something unsaid that passed through them as they stared into each other’s eyes. It scared Eddie, but it also made him feel the good kind of excitement, the same way he did before an exhilarating rescue.

They were interrupted by Christopher. He’d spotted Shannon’s car and wanted to start making his way to the driveway. He needed one of them to carry his things for him and Eddie was happy to oblige, Buck trailing not far behind them. Shannon got out of the car to greet them and gave Eddie one of those looks like she couldn’t believe he still hadn’t told Buck. He wanted to protest against her judgement and explain, but with Buck right there, it was impossible.

Christopher hugged them both goodbye and they wished him a great time this week. Then he left with Shannon. Soon followed by Buck who said he needed to get home. Eddie sensed the discomfort in his voice, like he wasn’t sure how to be alone with him anymore. Now, with an empty house to himself, Eddie walked back inside, wondering if he really was making the right choice.

~ ~ ~

No one was really feeling the holiday spirit this year and Buck had an idea to cheer everyone up. After Bobby told him they were gonna have Chinese food for Christmas dinner, he sneaked away to call Maddie and Athena for help, and they agreed with him that turkey would be much better suited for the occasion. They decided to make it a surprise for everyone else.

“Christopher!”

The joy in Eddie’s exclamation made this all worth it. Of course, seeing everyone happy made Buck feel warm. But it was Eddie’s reaction upon seeing Shannon and Christopher that had a special place in his heart. It may be their first Christmas apart, but it didn’t mean they couldn’t still spend it together. No matter whether they were married or not, they would always be a family who loved each other. Buck wanted to show them how important that was, wanted to help them cherish what they had because not everyone was that lucky.

“Buck, come over here, we want to take a family photo.” Shannon said.

Buck ran over, pulling his phone out to take the picture.

“What are you doing? Maddie’s taking it, you have to be in it.”

“Really?”

“Buck, we already had that conversation.” Eddie sounded exasperated.

Christopher stood in the middle, with Eddie behind him and Shannon on one side. Buck took place on the other side. The kid had never seemed happier, surrounded by everyone he’d wished to be able to spend Christmas with. After the picture, he ran to play with Denny, dragging Eddie behind him. Buck and Shannon went to lean against the banister.

“Buck, can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure, we’re family apparently, you can tell me anything.”

“I think I found my soulmate.”

“Really? That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, but, I don’t know if I should tell them. It’s kind of complicated.”

“Why? You’ve been divorced a while, you’re in a good place, there’s no reason not to. And you deserve to be happy.”

“So do you.”

Shannon was looking at him so intently, it held more meaning than her words.

“Does everyone know?” Buck sighed.

“I wasn’t sure you did.”

“I only figured it out recently. Chris doesn’t know, does he?”

“No, Eddie didn’t tell anyone. I don’t think he wants our kid to find out before you two talk about it.”

“Then why doesn’t he come to me? He’s obviously known for a long time. How can he think everyone figured it out except me?”

“I told him you would. I also told him if he keeps at this, Chris will. And our son isn’t really the kind who’d keep his mouth shut about that. He’d be way too excited.”

“You think so?”

“Last summer he asked me what he should call you if you ever became his step-dad. Because Eddie is already dad.”

“He did?”

“Yes, so maybe you should be the adult and talk to Eddie.”

Buck looked away. She was right, of course, and he’d been debating it for weeks, but he still couldn’t get all that doubt and insecurity out of his mind. It meant a lot that she was so supportive about this though. All he really wanted was for Eddie to be honest with him about the whole soulmate thing.

“He must have a reason for not telling me, I don’t want to rush things for him.”

“The reason is that he’s afraid to be happy. You two need to stop being so foolish and talk to each other.”

“Great idea. How about you set an example by talking to your own soulmate?”

“See, you’re too smart to be acting this stupid.”

Buck always had a great time with Shannon. He was looking forward to potentially a lifetime of friendship. After all, his soulmate had a son with her, they were linked together forever. Eddie came by to join them, asking what they were talking about. They both automatically answered “you” and laughed. If this was what the future looked like, Buck was looking forward to it.


	11. Chapter 11

A few weeks had passed, therapy was going well for Eddie, and Buck had gotten another clean bill of health after getting the screws out of his leg and being taken off the blood thinners. Things were good.

When Chimney’s brother showed up, Eddie even found himself able to help making him understand that the 118 was the family they all chose and it was enough. Blood didn’t matter. Maybe Chimney still held resentment about his father and the fact he chose to raise Albert and not him, but he had people who actually cared about him, that he should concentrate on, and let go of negative feelings about the past, because it didn’t help anyone.

One night, Eddie was convinced to join the poker night Chimney and Maddie were having. They had also invited Buck and Josh, one of Maddie’s co-workers that Eddie knew a little from work but nothing more. He’d left Christopher at Hen and Karen’s. They’d just gotten a foster child, Nia, recently and apparently Denny was eager to introduce his new sister to Chris.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were setting us up.” Josh said, with a look toward Buck next to him.

Eddie didn’t like this. The two of them had been having fun all night, bonding over how bad they were at poker and how hard the dating scene was. Eddie almost felt like a fifth wheel at this table, like he barely existed at all. Without mentioning the memory of Buck once saying how Maddie had offered to set him up with one of her co-workers suddenly back at the forefront of Eddie’s mind.

“I like you way too much to set you up with my brother.” Maddie said.

She shared a look with Chimney, and Eddie realised. She knew Buck was his soulmate. He had to do something soon, because there were too many people who knew. It was only a matter of time before Buck figured it out. The man was smarter than he got credit for, he would any time now. Shannon and Lena both kept urging him to say something, insisting more and more as he told them about the progress he was making in therapy.

“Hey! I’d be a great catch. I’m loving and caring, great with kids, and look at me.”

Buck gestured at himself. Josh laughed so hard, it spread to Maddie and Chimney who joined in. Eddie tried hard not to look too unhappy, or irritated. Buck was his soulmate, not someone else’s. He belonged with Eddie, he shouldn’t be trying to convince another man of his worth.

“Oh, I don’t doubt it. And whoever your soulmate is, they’re very lucky. Personally, I’m hoping my soulmate has a less stressful job, or at least one with less potential to die. A cook might be nice.”

“I can cook. Too bad we’re not soulmates, we’d make a great couple. Sure, you don’t want to forego that whole thing?”

“After what Maddie’s been through? Not even a little. But I would be quite the lucky man to have you.”

Buck and Josh spent the rest of the evening flirting playfully and it was driving Eddie insane. Maddie and Chimney weren’t helping either. It felt as though they were encouraging them, occasionally throwing looks at Eddie to see how he’d react. Chimney knew, and he’d probably told Maddie, and yet here they were throwing oil on the fire of Eddie’s growing jealousy.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity to Eddie, the night ended. The three of them told their goodbyes to Maddie and Chimney, and left together. As they reached the front door of the building, Eddie reiterated his goodbye to Josh and watched him walk away to his car as he held Buck’s wrist in his hand to stop him from doing the same.

“Eddie, what’s going on? Don’t you need to pick up Christopher? You’ll be late.”

“What was that in there?”

“What was what? What are you talking about? We were having fun. I thought you were too. Why do you seem angry?”

Buck’s face was filled with confusion, his eyes searching Eddie’s for some kind of an explanation. But he didn’t give any sign of moving, didn’t take his arm out of Eddie’s grasp.

“Do you like Josh?”

“What? No. Why would you think that?”

“You were flirting all night. Complimenting each other, laughing together, lightly touching each other.”

“That was just light-hearted fun. Josh and I get along, why does it bother you so much?”

“It doesn’t bother me, I... You just... Why would you flirt with people you don’t intend to date? This is just confusing for everybody, Buck.”

He hated the bite he heard in his voice. He didn’t want to sound so angry, so shamefully affected by something that meant nothing. Buck didn’t have any intentions, and he didn’t mean anything by his flirting with Josh. Eddie knew that, he did. And yet somehow it did something to him to even think about.

“Are you... jealous?”

That simple question was enough to send him over the edge. Eddie lost his last remaining bit of control and the truth just spilled out.

“Of course, I’m jealous, Buck, my soulmate’s flirting with another guy!”

“About time you admit it.” Buck chuckled. “For the record, though, I wasn’t doing anything on purpose tonight. I didn’t mean to make you jealous. Really happy it happened though.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“I am? How long have you kept this from me? I figured it out weeks ago, months even, but it was clear you’d known for a while already.”

“I’ve known ever since that first day.”

“What I thought.” Buck’s voice was rising. All the joy had slipped from it, replaced by what sounded like resentment. “How could you keep it a secret this long? Didn’t you think I deserved to know? Do you just not want to be with me?”

“No, Buck, I just had a lot to deal with. First with Shannon and then with my other issues. I didn’t think it’d be fair to you to drag you into it.”

“Do you have any idea how it feels to always be the one who gets left behind, the one who’s never included? Clearly not, otherwise you never would’ve let it get to the point where everyone, everyone, knew we were soulmates before I did.”

“Buck, I’m sorry.”

He tried to pull him closer, but it only served to remind Buck that Eddie’s hand was still on his wrist. He pulled away, looking toward his car, but not leaving yet. The hurt in his expression broke Eddie’s heart and he felt regret creeping in. He’d worried too much and waited too long and all it had done was upset Buck.

“Buck, please, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, I swear.”

“I know you didn’t, but it doesn’t change the fact that I did. I spent so long feeling like no one wanted me, and, no matter how good your intentions were, you still made it worse.”

“What do you need me to do? Do you want to come home with me so we can talk about it?”

“No. I think I just need to be alone for now. See you on shift.”

Buck walked away, leaving Eddie feeling guilty and ashamed. He’d let his own feelings of inadequacy and his fear of not being enough dictate his actions and the man he loved had been the one who ended up getting hurt. He sighed and started making his way to his own car. This wouldn’t get solved now and Buck had been right, he would be late picking up Christopher from Hen and Karen’s.

~ ~ ~

“What’s going on between you two? Something happen after poker night?” Chimney asked.

The locker room suddenly felt too small as the weight of the other night filled the place. Buck and Eddie had been getting ready for their shift silently while Chimney and Hen chatted happily, exchanging news about how their day off went.

“Something definitely happened. Eddie didn’t look happy when he came by to pick up Chris.” Hen said.

Buck couldn’t help but look at Eddie, feeling bad about the whole thing. He could already imagine the questions Christopher would’ve asked about why he seemed upset and wondered what Eddie told him. As they stared at each other, Buck distantly heard Hen saying they should go and he found himself alone with Eddie.

“Eddie, I-”

“It’s fine, Buck, I understand what you were saying perfectly. You’re right, I shouldn’t have kept this from you. All it did was cause you pain and I’m truly sorry. I deserve whatever you want to throw at me.”

His expression was so sheepish, Buck wanted to take him in his arms and comfort him, but he didn’t think it would be appropriate. Not right now anyway.

“Eddie, it’s okay. Well, it’s not, but I thought about it and I get why you did it. It hurt me, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I’ve been wanting to for a long time, but I didn’t think I had a chance because you said you were only interested in dating your soulmate.”

“Seemed easier to say than admit I was in love with you.”

A soft smile grew on his face. He had never seen Eddie appear so vulnerable before.

“So... are we doing this? Becoming a thing?”

“Think we’ve waited long enough.”

Eddie walked closer to him. He looked around, making sure no one had stayed behind. This moment should have no witnesses. It was a long time coming, and it should be just between them. Eddie cupped his face and Buck felt warm. He put his hands on Eddie’s waist, pulling him even closer. He was buzzing with anticipation.

When their lips finally touched, Buck felt home. Here, in Eddie’s hold, he finally felt like he belonged. Every piece of the puzzle had been put in place now. He’d been wrong. Firefighting wasn’t the image on the puzzle. Firefighting was merely a few pieces, crucial but nonetheless pieces, that allowed him to build a life and become the person he was meant to be.

Family was the image. It was what everything had always led to. Him finding his soulmate, becoming best friends with him, getting along with his kid to the point that the transition to step father would be as natural as it ever could be. Buck could see it clearly now. Him, Eddie, Chris, and the rest of their 118 family.

They pulled apart for air, larger than ever grins stamped on their faces, mirroring each other. It seemed impossible, too much like a dream, that this was happening, and yet it was. Buck could feel Eddie’s warmth beneath his fingers, could feel him relax as he held him close, their foreheads leaning on one another as Eddie’s arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“What are we going to tell Christopher?” Buck said.

“Really? I kiss you like that and your first thought is to worry about my son?” Eddie faked being offended, but he couldn’t completely hide his surprise behind it. “What did I do to deserve someone with such a big heart?”

“Maybe I’m the one who deserved you and you’re just enjoying the benefits.”

“Wow, very cocky thing to say.”

“I know, don’t you wish there was some way to shut me up sometimes?”

“So often. You can’t imagine the amount of times I’ve thought ‘if only I could make him stop talking’. Thankfully, that’s over now.”

“Is it? Cause I can keep going all-”

Eddie kissed him again, this time more passionate and more confident. As much as the first one had been soft and slow, this one was filled with want and eagerness. Buck relished in the closeness, and the way Eddie’s hands were all over him. He was his, and he wanted nothing more than to be by his side, always.


	12. Chapter 12

It was not all that different from the situation with the tsunami, but the other way around this time. Part of Eddie was relieved to know that at least Christopher didn’t have to worry and fear and wonder how his dad would survive. But a big part of him was scared about not being able to make it back to him, and to Buck. He kept reaching up to his face, touching the cuts he could feel on his face. Cuts that would also have appeared on Buck.

He thought of it all, every possible option for them to find him and get him back, and it didn’t look good. Not good at all. He took a deep breath, then another, and another. He needed to stay calm, prioritise. He was buried under several feet of mud. Whatever made this happen, probably the storm, it was likely they couldn’t simply dig him out.

He could imagine his boyfriend’s panic. He could practically hear him begging Bobby and everyone else around that they had to do something. But it would take more time than Buck had the patience for. Eddie tried to call through the radio and make contact with the team. He wasn’t surprised when it failed. He knew he was out of range.

That left him with only one course of action. He took off one of his gloves and held his knife over his forearm. There was a second of hesitation, of wondering if this was a good idea, of asking himself if he should try saying more. He settled on carving a “t” into his skin, hoping Buck would understand. He was confident, however, that his boyfriend was smart enough to get it.

Eddie put his glove and the rest of his equipment back on. He looked at the gauge on the oxygen tank, still green. He took another deep breath and dived down into the dark water. He was hoping to make it out himself somehow, but, if he couldn’t, at least Buck knew about his plan and would be able to use that to guide the search efforts. His boyfriend wouldn’t give up, and neither would Eddie.

By the time he made it out of the tunnels, barely, he was out of breath and exhausted. He swam to shore, feeling the stiffness of his muscles and the pain that went with it as he kept going. There was nothing quite like seeing the relief and joy on his boyfriend’s face when he finally got back to him. He let himself fall into Buck’s arm, their hands finding each other like magnets.

“Eddie! You didn’t drown!”

“Yeah, I’m very happy too. I really couldn’t miss Christopher’s presentation.”

His voice sounded rough and it hurt to talk, but, upon being reunited with his soulmate, a wide smile spread across his face, relief transpiring through his expression. As Chimney led him to sit at the back of the ambulance to get checked out, Eddie wouldn’t let go of Buck. He didn’t want to leave the safety of his arms even for a few minutes.

“For a moment there, before you made that cut, everyone looked at me like I was crazy to want to dig. Like they thought you were already dead, and I was so scared they might be right.”

After Chimney had made sure he didn’t need any immediate care and left, Eddie buried himself deeper into Buck’s arms, tightening his grip around his waist.

“Sorry, I scared you. I know how it feels. I was so worried the day of the tsunami that something had happened to you and that you were lost before I even told you we were soulmates. I almost told you right then. And there were years after those scars appeared on my wrists where I was convinced you’d died. I’m sorry you had to go through that tonight, but really happy you’re here.”

Buck readjusted the blanket around him and gave him a kiss on top of his damp head.

“I’m sorry for all the times I worried you. But I don’t intend on ever leaving you. You’re stuck with me, because I love you too much to go anywhere.”

“You do? Really?”

“Of course I do. I was hoping you did too, but-”

“I love you too, Buck. You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”

“Wow, one of the best, not second, that’s a high compliment.”

“I’m sure Christopher would agree. I think you’re his favourite parent already.”

“I’m not. You know he’ll always love you and Shannon more. I’m just new. And I can cook. He’ll go right back to you the second he stops needing me to teach him, which should be any day now.”

The rest of the team finished up around them and they were finally ready to go home, after a short trip to the hospital and a promise to spend a lot of time resting. Eddie was grateful he got to recuperate in his own bed, with his two favourite people cuddling close against him.

~ ~ ~

Over the next few weeks, both Buck and Eddie were pretty busy. For one, Christopher was hosting his first sleepover and he wanted everything to be perfect. They both worked hard to make that happen for him. Buck didn’t know if they quite achieved that goal, but all the kids seemed happy and Christopher gave them both big hugs as thanks. He also made a comment about how lucky it was Buck was there to take care of the food and they all laughed.

Then, Christopher wanted to go to summer camp with all the other kids and that was a lot of organisation. For some reason, Eddie and Shannon both thought Buck should be included in everything, from deciding to let him go to figuring out how to split the summer afterwards. There were a lot of pointed looks from Shannon at every doubtful question he had, but it turned out the more unsure he sounded, the more Eddie tried to convince him it was a great idea, convincing himself in the process. The three of them made a great team.

“Wow, you two make quite the pair of overprotective, worried dads. Good thing Chris has me.” Shannon teased.

“And how’s your soulmate?” Buck asked.

“Almost as bad as you two, would fit right in. I never thought I’d be the cool parent, it feels nice.”

“We should all get together when Chris comes back from camp.” Eddie said.

“Definitely. Buck can cook, since he’s the only one who’s good at it.”

They all laughed, so happy with what their family had become. Buck tried to convince Shannon to come to May’s graduation party with them, but she was eager to go home and have herself a quiet movie night with her soulmate.

Buck, Eddie and Christopher had a great time at the party. They took all sorts of pictures and danced and had fun with everyone. The next day, they had to say goodbye to Christopher and watch him leave in that yellow bus, all on his own for the first time. It was a very emotional moment for both Eddie and Shannon, to see how fast their son was growing up. And Buck wasn’t immune either.

“Alright, we can’t spend all day staring at the empty road. Come on, Buck, I have plans for us.”

“What? Like a date?”

“Yes, I’m taking you on a date. You’re not the only one who can do that, you know.”

“Oh, I know, I was just wondering when it would happen. Where are we going?”

“I’m not saying anything. You still have a change of clothes in your jeep, right? For tomorrow.”

“Always. And an overnight date? Wow. You must really love me.”

“Can’t think of why thought.” Eddie said teasingly as he reached for Buck’s hand to take in his own.

They spent the afternoon at the planetarium. Eddie said to remember things about the stars and all the things they could observe in the sky this time of year. Buck was intrigued, but excited. It meant so much to him that Eddie would bring him to a museum like this. Buck knew it wasn’t really his favourite thing to do, but obviously Eddie was aware how much he enjoyed learning new things.

The entire time, as Buck walked excitedly through various displays, reading things and sharing them with Eddie, who he was pulling behind him everywhere, he could spot a fond look on his boyfriend’s face. They had to come back here another time with Christopher, the kid would love it and there were always more interesting things to learn about space.

They made a stop at some fancy restaurant where Eddie picked something up that he quickly put in the back, in a bag especially made to keep it warm. That’s when Buck noticed the luggage. Eddie had brought a bunch of things, more than the clean change of clothes Buck had grabbed from the back of his jeep before they left.

By the time they made it to a cabin two hours outside of the city, and Eddie set up all the food on the table outside, complete with candles and flowers and everything, they ended up eating through sunset. It was the height of romance and Buck could hardly believe Eddie had planned all of this. He’d dreamed of one day get swept off his feet like this, but he never thought it would happen.

Tears came to his eyes later when Eddie handed him a star map of the sky above them. He’d sneakily bought it from the planetarium gift shop while Buck wasn’t looking, so they could wrap themselves up in blankets and stargaze together, forgetting the world around them. Eddie paid attention to him, to his interests, and he’d created the perfect date for them.

Buck felt so spoiled, so loved. There was a lot of keeping warm by the fire outside, and kissing, and cuddling. It was the best night of Buck’s life and he knew Eddie felt the same. They fell asleep with their arms wrapped around each other, with smiles who gave no sign of ever faltering.

The light of the rising sun woke up Buck the next morning. He opened his eyes slowly, feeling safe in the warmth of Eddie’s arms. He looked up, only to find his boyfriend staring at him and he stretched his neck to share a soft morning kiss with him.

“Were you watching me sleep?” Buck asked, his arms snaking around Eddie, holding on to him tightly.

“Only because I was too scared it would wake you up if I moved.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“Not long. You look adorable in your sleep, you know?” Eddie kissed the top of his head. “I could’ve done without the drooling on my chest though.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I still wish I could wake up next to you every day.” Eddie seemed to freeze for a moment, as if realising something. “Why don’t you move in with me?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. I can’t think of anything better than to fall asleep and wake up next to you all the time. I don’t want to have to say goodbye to you at the end of the night anymore. I don’t want there to be my home and your home, just our home.”

“You think Christopher would be okay with me moving in with you?”

“He already offered to switch rooms so we could have the biggest, which I said was unnecessary. You really think a kid who calls you papa half the time would mind you living in the same house?”

“You’re right, okay, let’s do this.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I love you, Eddie.”

“I love you too.”

As a comfortable silence fell over them, Buck had never felt happier. They lied down in bed, in each other’s arms, watching the sun finish rising. After everything they had been through, they were finally in a good place. Buck had dreamed for so long of feeling so love and wanted, and here he was, with everything he’d hoped for, filled with joy as he looked to the future.

They would be okay, more than okay actually, happy. No matter what life threw at them, they could face it together. They would fill their home with love and watch Christopher grow into an amazing man. Buck wouldn’t want things any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! New chapters will be posted bi-weekly on Thursdays and Sundays.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


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